Comment on Women’s ‘red flag’ app Tea is a privacy nightmare
grue@lemmy.world 3 days agoHow do you warn people about a potential dating candidate being dangerous without doxxing the potential dating candidate? “Hey, watch out for [anonymous person]” doesn’t sound very useful.
Nima@leminal.space 3 days ago
…you know? that’s a fair point. I’m not sure how it would work. but it would be nice to know some stuff if its important.
Velypso@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Hey Nima, I heard you’re a child molester.
Good luck proving you’re not.
Nima@leminal.space 2 days ago
Velypso@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Weird, this app I have says its true that you like to have sex with dogs. It’s encrypted and safe on my end, so it’s totally fine!
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
I have the solution. Nobody’s gonna like it, everybody here is gonna scream at me about it, but I have the solution.
Stop dating strangers on the internet.
The entire personals site/dating app experiment we’ve been running for the last quarter century is obviously a categorical failure. Humans just don’t work like this.
Things have gotten so much worse since I was in high school. When I was in high school, the community of girls available to me to ask out were pretty much all girls I’d known since we were 5. A lot of them, I didn’t have to wonder about their character, their intentions, their capacity to do harm, I was there when all that was written. I remember how much of a bully Chelsea was in middle school, I remember how nice Ashley was to everyone, I remember how Justine seemed weirdly infatuated with me in the 4th grade. They’d all remember stuff about me and the other boys. We graduated high school, I never saw 80% of them ever again, and within 5 years that figure climbed to at least 95%. Four years of college with mostly abject strangers who you’re weirdly fast to form and break deceptively deep bonds with, all of whom I’ve also lost track of, and then the adult world in which everyone including you is an NPC.
I happen to be the exact age where, I got out of college in 2007, I disappeared into work, like I went to the airport and I went home for two years. In 2009, I looked back up and everything had CHANGED. Instant messaging was on smart phones now, and you WERE NOT TO approach women in person, only through phone-based dating apps and you had BETTER FUCKING NOT already be acquainted.
Don’t talk to women at the grocery store. Don’t talk to women at the gym. Don’t talk to women at the library. Don’t talk to women at your work. Don’t talk to women at their work. Don’t talk to women at the coffee shop. Don’t talk to women at the bar. Don’t talk to women at the club. Don’t talk to women. No woman, only app.
How do you meet more women? Oh that’s categorically the wrong question because having the goal of meeting women in the first place is creepy. Stop wanting to meet women and instead organically decide you want to do things that women happen to like, and then accidentally meet women in the course of doing those things. You know, at those meetups that are always happening on a recurring basis, that aren’t advertised to happen at a place and time and then no one shows up and the listing is never re-posted. Probably just install more apps.
It’s been women driving this, men vastly prefer asking women out from within their social circle. The pressure to make the first move is still on men, and he’d rather ask out women he already thinks he might like. Women on the other hand vastly prefer to be cold approached by a charming stranger.
I think it’s gone far enough when we’ve got women saying dumb shit like “Systematically doxxing and libeling men is a risk we’re just going to have to take.”
Nima@leminal.space 2 days ago
Good lord, please tell me you did not just use ted bundy to describe what you think women like in men?
also did you just lore dump to a complete stranger? we’re having a casual conversation.
i never said anything as insane as “Systematically doxxing and libeling men is a risk we’re just going to have to take”. i said doxxing should be avoided, if you’d read any of my comments.
who is this long winded comment for, exactly?
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I did, because he was. Two different ways.
Bundy’s modus operandi was to approach women in public as a handsome, charming stranger. I’m pretty sure women like handsome, charming strangers; the entire female dating strategy seems to be geared toward attracting handsome, charming strangers. Ted Bundy was able to attract dozens of victims like that. There’s an inherent danger in attracting strangers, because sometimes strangers are psychopaths.
Ted Bundy got a LOT of fan mail from women while he was in prison. Love letters, marriage proposals, nude photos. A shocking number of women saw his picture on the news alongside words like “murder trial” and “death sentence” and said “That’s the man for me.” He pulled some weird stunt to “get married” and he fathered a child from prison. This isn’t unique to Ted Bundy, lots of mass murderers and serial killers have groupies, from Charles Manson to Dylan Klebold.
You came across as pretty lukewarm to me. “Yeah doxxing is a problem I guess.” You can’t have a Don’t Date Him Girl website without doxxing. Doxxing is how they work.