Comment on Women are anonymously spilling tea about men in their cities on viral app
beegnyoshi@lemmy.zip 4 weeks agoI don’t want you to take me badly, but to me this comment sounded really demeaning. Obviously women have it way worse than men, but you see a comment with a men venting about their personal experiences and the first thing that comes to mind is “women have it worse”?
I could understand this comment in the context of the app, and how people are making fun of it when its purpose is to try to solve such a common and awful, awful problem in dating–but in in the context of the comments of men venting here, it really just sounds like you’re invalidating their experiences just because they’re not women.
Lemminary@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Yes, because I’ve seen it and I had to intervene way more than I ever wanted to. We’ve had our fair share of violent domestic disputes in the family perpetrated by the men, I’ve seen it out on the streets, and lately, I’m watching all these videos of stories of women online who feared for their safety.
I’ve seen women mistreated in public, some being threatened with their lives, I’ve had family members impregnated against their will, my neighbor was literally choked on the street outside my window, women being held at gunpoint by their partners (I was there), and I’ve found out through gossip that the little girl I used to live with when I was a kid was found dead in a fucking ditch because of an ex. So yeah, I have no pony in this race as a man dating men, and yet I have plenty of reasons to think straight women have it way worse.
No, I’m comparing the grievances, which are perfectly valid and understandable on their own, but there’s no comparison, especially as a reason to create such an app.
It really sucks that a woman led you on but ultimately turned you down and you’ve spent the last decade mulling over it, but it isn’t quite the same as getting a brick thrown through a window a few times as part of a campaign of terror orchestrated by a salty coke-head ex who won’t leave your little sister alone and the police seem too eager to keep letting it happen. So yeah, kinda different when you factor in the readiness to go violent.
beegnyoshi@lemmy.zip 4 weeks ago
In my comment I said:
And the whole reason why I commented was because I’d misunderstood your comment. I’d thought it was separate from the post itself, since you hadn’t made it clear that the purpose of your comment was to say something like: “So despite the consequences it might have to the men featured in the app, it should still exist due to the benefit that it would bring to women”. Without that, to me, it really just looked like you’d read the stories from the men and thought “women have it worse”.
Since I’m now inside the discussion, I’m gonna give you my two cents.
I think that most people here weren’t really mad at the app due to its purpose. They were mad because it’s far from a perfect solution. Regardless of how much protection the app has, at these issues will exist:
Not to mention that, in this case, the creator was a man and the information protection was laughably bad.
In the future, apps like this one might become a must for women’s self-protection, but that doesn’t mean that the app’s issues will just cease existing. Pointing them out along with personal experiences to back them up, and then weighing in the pros and cons is always going to be very important.
Might’ve made myself a bit unclear, here’s a tl;dr
I thought you’d meant
But what I’ve realized you’d meant is
And to finish, sorry that that happened to you. I hope you and the people you talked about stay safe.
Lemminary@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
I see, thanks for elaborating. And yeah, I’m not talking about the app itself because it’s a little iffy given how people are drawn to gossip and revenge, but about the people in the comments giving their personal stories that sound traumatic but, like, not “make an app to avoid your potential killer” levels of traumatic.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
What I think really needs to happen is we take a Ryder truck full of ANFO to the idea that sex must come from abject strangers found on the internet.
Dating apps are very obviously a failed experiment. If you use one, you deserve everything you get.
yeahiknow3@lemmings.world 4 weeks ago
Boom, downvoted for being aware that 95% of violent criminals are male and domestic abuse is no different.
Lemminary@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Pretty much! I was half expecting it, so all good.