Comment

Comment on Men are opening up about mental health to AI instead of humans

TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

a lot of therapists and psychs are also useless for helping men. because they are women and they are basically only trained to deal with women’s issues and only see women’s emotional processes and processing as ‘valid’. there is this default bias that men’s emotional processing is ‘flawed’.

imo with mental health professionals all my ‘issues’ were blow way out of proportion. i only had one therapist who actaully helped me was a man and that person helped me understand that ‘not everything is your fault’. when all the other therapists/friends/family always 100% told me everything that happens to me is entirely my fault. they also told me it was normal/healthy to vent my feelings by doing productive things (like writing, exercising, relaxing), rather than viewing that as ‘not addressing the problem’.

the issue with so much of this crap is that not only does nobody want to talk to men, it’s that they don’t want to listen and/or the tell us we are ‘talking wrong’.

source

Sort:hotnew top

A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Therapy is just littered with bad therapists, that do more harm than good and give the practice a bad name.

For every 1 good therapist, there are probably 10+ bad ones.

It can be a fucking ordeal to navigate, financially and emotionally, to try and find the one good one.

My worst experience was a therapist which charged me 300 dollars a session to do nothing but talk about how amazing they were, and that I need to just suck it up and be amazing like they are, afterall, it was so easy for them.

source
- stoly@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  Therapy is just littered with bad therapists, that do more harm than good and give the practice a bad name.
  
  This has long been my experience. Although I believe that great therapists are out there, I have yet to encounter someone who didn’t blame me for the problems and cause me to feel rejected. The last person I went to looked over the intake testing and told me that nobody would want me as a client. No joke. I convinced him to let me stay but nothing happened and I burned out after 3 months or so and stopped going.
  
  source
  - A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I’m sorry, you don’t deserve that.
    
    If you have the mental energy/space, there are usually state therapists boards of some kind that you can call and report that behavior too… Too few people do that, though (and I’m including myself on that list), because a lot of people who seek out therapists are in a bad, vulnerable state and just don’t have the mental space to go through with reporting these assholes like they deserved.
    
    source
- Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.world ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I am on my fifth therapist. The first one I was seeing I kinda stopped going and then he retired, then I had a GF cheat on me and that was super brutal so I started going again.
  
  First therapist was the stereotypical “feelings are okay!” kind of therapist, second one she just automatically assumed it was my fault and was basically telling me that cause I’m a man I should have done better, and the third just immediately jumped to medication like halfway through my first session.
  
  Ended up with my current therapist and she’s great. I really like her because she regularly tells me that I’m just straight up being stupid or ridiculous and just need to handle my shit. Which works amazing for me.
  
  source
- TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Amen.
  
  source
  - A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yeah.
    
    and there needs to be more oversight and punishment for objectively bad therapists. and I dont mean bad as in their program didnt work for you, i mean bad, like ones that spend an entire session fellating themselves over how awesome they are, or tell you that they arent here to listen to you bitch and moan about your problems (someone I knew had a therapist say that to them) or whatever other objectively awful things bad therapists too.
    
    and there needs to be more education about therapy, and how there are many different styles and approaches… and not all work for everyone, The system should incentivize people being able to tell their therapist they appreciate their time, but it doesnt feel like their approach is working, and get refered to a different one with a different approach without drama, extra cost, extra paperwork, or headache.
    
    source
    TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    yes, there is an incredibly amount of ignorance, and a lack of oversight about the entire thing.
    
    and so many internet jackasses who think they are experts about it, constantly pushing endless misinformation about every aspect of the process. esp the armchair diagnosing.
    
    ‘oh you had a bad day at work? you must have autism/adhd/depression/personality disorder’. or the fact anyone who was ever mean to you once in your life is a ‘narcissist’ or ‘gas lighting’ you.
    
    the bias confirmation is out of hand. even in this very comment thread… soooo many people just banging on their bias confirmation drum and screaming ‘no no no no, men are bad and should just go away and solve their own problems without bothering anyone at all ever!’ as if that attitude isn’t the biggest reason men, especially young men, feel so trapped about their lives.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
Doom@ttrpg.network ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
This is pretty sexist.

Coping skills are not gender specific. How they help is different for each individual.

Women have their emotions unsupported just as much as men I know my mom didn’t have anyone caring about how she felt. Pretty sure that’s the stereotype of most American moms, they work all day come home cook and clean too.

I’ve never seen a man cry and be told to stop by anyone other than their own father. I’ve seen countless women be mocked for being emotional.

Sorry bro your comment is far too one sided to be taken seriously by me. Society is hard on everyone.

source
- TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Yes they are. The genders are massivenly different in a lot of ways, and failure to acknowledge that is sexist.
  
  But keep screaming that anything that disagrees with your particular narrative that women are great and men are bad, I guess.
  
  source
  - pupbiru@aussie.zone ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    The genders are massivenly different in a lot of ways
    
    and even if you think that the psychology of genders isn’t different, society treats genders differently and this either from the therapist who reacts differently to different genders, or from the patient who expects difference the point is the same: the construct of gender forces artificial difference, even if it’s not based in real science
    
    source
    TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    and even if you think that the psychology of genders isn’t different, society treats genders differently and this either from the therapist who reacts differently to different genders, or from the patient who expects difference the point is the same: the construct of gender forces artificial difference, even if it’s not based in real “our brains are the same” science (which they aren’t - same as our biology isn’t quite the same)
    
    amen. brother, sister, or whatever preferred identity you want to be.
    
    more treating people as individuals, less as treating them as stereotypes
    
    source
  - BeNotAfraid@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    But keep screaming that anything that disagrees with your particular narrative that women are great and perpetual victims of men and men are always bad, I guess?
    
    Incel talk
    
    source
    VintageGenious@sh.itjust.works ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    read the whole comment
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
  - Doom@ttrpg.network ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Again. Coping skills are not gender specific they’re individual specific.
    
    Nobody is screaming. And yes women are victims of men, have you spoken to any of them about it? Because it’s rather helpful to have those conversations.
    
    Your comment is just very one sided and that’s the side that has the most power on the planet and as a member of that side I have just as much perspective of you and I’m here to say – nah to most of what you said.
    
    Men’s #1 issue is lack of empathy towards women, they isolate half the planet from supporting them. There’s your solution.
    
    source
    a_wild_mimic_appears@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Men’s inability to open up is a trained behavior, and is reinforced the most by the group doing the most child care: women. Everytime a boy that cries gets told to “man up” that stereotype is repeated to them. This produces an echo that reverbs through most of society, and especially children, who then mock peers that express emotions.
    
    Women are training their own oppressors. There is enough blame around for all genders.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
    TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    Your comment is just very one sided and that’s the side that has the most power on the planet and as a member of that side I have just as much perspective of you and I’m here to say – nah to most of what you said.
    
    The only ‘side’ that has power is the wealthy. But keep banging your gender war drum, it probably gives you meaning and purpose in life.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
- bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Type anything to show you’ve never been to therapy: ^ this post
  
  source
  - Doom@ttrpg.network ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Literally in therapy but okay. Continue to reject my perspective and unsupport a fellow dude. Hypocrites.
    
    source
    TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    dude people here just want to dunk on men because it makes them feel good about themselves. it’s that sad, and that simple. they don’t care about having empathy for men, men are not ‘people’. they are ‘others’.
    
    they don’t really give a shit about… the issue at hand or the issues in the therapy industry/society that systematically disenfranchise many men.
    
    unironically they want men to ‘man up’ and ‘fix’ the problems and never acknowledge them. Because that is inconvenient for them and their viewpoints.
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
    bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Who said I am a dude?
    
    source
    -> View More Comments
BeNotAfraid@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Nonsense. The idea that all psychological issues are defined by gender is just the perspective of someone who’s never made any meaningful progress through therapy and/or counseling. Mental health is not a gendered issue and the repetition of this misconception just leads more people to give up without even trying. Yes, the lens of sexual identity comes into play, mainly in terms of cultural gender roles experienced in your part of the world. But, a well trained, experienced therapist will have these considerations while exploring issues you present with. I would argue, that psychiatrists (which is a much more male dominated field) are much more of an issue, because their objective is not to help you come to conclusions about yourself. It is to medicate your symptoms away to allow you to function. I am sorry you did not have a good experience yourself, but that is not reflective of therapy, or counseling as a whole and your characterisation of men vs women in therapy is sexist and sounds more like male influencer talking points than lived experience.

source
- TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  how many well trained therapists are there out there who are totally objective, compared to poorly trained ones who will often perpetual their harmful biases?
  
  source
  - BeNotAfraid@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    No, but that’s not the argument you were making before. You said therapists are women, women don’t understand the male perspective, implying therapy is ineffective. Ironically, those most hostile towards mental health treatment and self-analysis are often those with the least amount of time in counseling/therapy. Often the ones that would benefit the most out of it. The goal of a therapist is not to make you feel understood, a therapist is supposed to help you understand and come to conclusions about yourself, so that you can improve your life. Everything about coming to terms with neuropathy/trauma/coping mechanisms takes work and self-discipline. Hand-waving away people’s lived experience categorically stating that mental healthcare is ineffective, based on your own (I would bet) extremely limited experience with the field. That’s a lot easier. See how you’re asking me
    
    how many well trained therapists are there out there who are totally objective, compared to poorly trained ones who will often perpetual their harmful biases?
    
    does anyone know? how do we even measure that? do we just assume people who have a certain degree from a certain program are inherently ‘objective’?
    
    As if that de-legitimises any point that I have made in response to those statements is childish. See how when it’s your narrow perspective you view it as reason enough to make blanket statements therapy, women and mental health. But when I offer mine you expand the scope to the point I have to contend with Bias over an entire field study and healthcare? That’s because your argument is weak, it’s a fallacy and it’s based on conjecture. I assure you, everyone has biases but again, therapists are there to help you come to conclusions, not give advice. The most harmful bias anyone can have is there own personal biases, which if left unchecked, allows the ego to feel secure, but stops you from growing as a person. That’s why you spaz out and attack therapy as an institution, because my drawing attention to and invalidating your biased opinion makes the ego feel threatened. That’s why you turn it from a conversation into a confrontation, because an argument you can win. If you acknowledge your position is incorrect/prejudice then that feels like a problem within the self. Which we can’t stand, because in a world of diffuse human interaction we are all the protagonist and we want people to like us. Which is an insight you would have if you had actually ever gone to therapy.
    
    source