Comment

Comment on Why do people especially men care if someone forgives a cheating partner

Past experience. Past knowledge. The more often than not correct belief that people don’t really change. If the norm is that a cheater is always a cheater, and you see a friend who was hurt by a cheater get bac with them, it is only natural to warn that friend.

Simple as that really. I wish you luck getting through it, but if you truly feel there is no chance of a repeat performance and your bf believes you, why care about well intentioned warnings?

source

Sort:hotnew top

IloveyouMF@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
the issue with that norm is it contradits anohter norm

that most cheaters are never given a second chance, so most cheating victims don’t know if once a cheater always a cheater is true they never find out

source
- cyngi@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Where do you get that statistic? You were given a second chance. Tons of people who commit infidelity get second chances for various reasons. The problem is it is a very personal betrayal that pushes a lot of people emotionally. This has nothing to do with men specifically, only that they don’t want to see him hurt. You don’t either, right? So you are really on the same side.
  
  source
  - Nikls94@lemmy.world ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Right? I know so many people who were in a relationship with the one who cheated with them, only to cheat on them with another one, and on that one with another one.
    
    I only know of 1 that this did not apply to, and she did it as an act of revenge in the first place.
    
    source
  - IloveyouMF@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    agian if they cared so much about him where were they before ?
    
    source
    Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Before what?
    
    source
- Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  That’s not a norm. That’s an ideal you intend to live up to.
  
  source
- Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  That’s not a norm I’ve ever heard. More often than not, there is forgiveness because of the emotional attachment. Things work for a while, then it happens again. This keeps happening and deteriorating the trust until finally the relationship has mutated into an unrecognizable shadow of it’s former beauty.
  
  Many people have experienced this, thus the given advice. I’ve learned that providing that kind of advice can damage the relationship with your friend (because of said emotional attachment), so I don’t bother. It’s something people have to learn on their own.
  
  source
- MolochAlter@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  that most cheaters are never given a second chance
  
  Source on that, also even then, the ones who are prove the statistic to be quite reliable. See here for the effects on both the cheater and the victim.
  
  Considering the effects on the victim (suspicion even on non-cheating partners for years) you actually don’t deserve a second chance, even if you were on the straight and narrow for the rest of your life.
  
  It’d be like you intentionally smashed his kneecap then stayed with him out of guilt to help him walk.
  
  source
- FuglyDuck@lemmy.world ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Studies clearly show that a person who has cheated once is 3-10 times more likely to cheat again. It depends on the study, but the most generous 3x in the next five years.
  
  source
IloveyouMF@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
right but the norm is already changing on so many other issues why is this an exception ?

Now it’s the norm for women to work, couples to not have kids, women to not change their last names.

We are not in a traditional relationship. I do onlyfans for one, I pay him a portion of that to live in his house that he owns. Traditionally a dwelling like this would be co owned by both people int he relationship or at least he would let his woman stay there for free but I am consistent and I know it’s not fair for me to demand tradition compliance out of him but be progressive personally because it benefits him

source
- cyngi@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  You seem deeply affected by them caring now and not before. Are you worried they will convince him? If not then they will eventually see it worked itself out and stop caring. If not, well they aren’t involved in your relationship so what do they matter? Not everybody will like you, it’s wasted energy to try and make that the goal.
  
  source
- MolochAlter@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  right but the norm is already changing on so many other issues why is this an exception ?
  
  Cause this change is actively immoral and harmful and people don’t want it, duh.
  
  Things change because people want them to change. They don’t want this to change because they don’t want to enable potential cheaters in their lives, because as something becomes less socially stigmatised the less of a barrier there is to actually doing it.
  
  source