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ramble81@lemm.ee 3 days ago
So I’ve been on both sides of this equation. I had a rich friend growing up and they would give me random gifts like game consoles and tickets to concerts that we’d go with them. It was “pocket change” to them. As I got older, I came in to money young and started to do the same thing with my friends, and I realized why they did it and why I did it.
It’s nothing about power dynamics or holding it over others, but wanting to share in your joys and successes. I would buy dinner for friends at nice places because I wanted to enjoy something and I wanted them to also. They were my friends, I have money, why wouldn’t I want to share it? I hate when people are selfish and hoard money, so why not use it for everyone to enjoy.
I’m like you. Not everyone is though. Or they might think they are, and the second they perceive any kind of sleight from the person they’ve showered with free gifts to enjoy, the resentment comes out: “after all I’ve done for you, how dare you [whatever].”
To be fair, this can come as a surprise to the gift giver too. People often legit aren’t aware that their heart is building up expectations as they do “nice things just to be nice.”
Tower@lemmy.zip 3 days ago
In college, I had a job and one of my best friends didn’t. I’d often ask if he wanted to go do something, like bowling or grab some food. When he’d say he didn’t have any money, I’d say “I’m asking if you want to, not if you can. It’s on me.” I just wanted to hang out with my buddy.
ApathyTree@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Stuff like this is why I have a rule with my friends, because we are all varying levels of broke at various times.
Whomever suggests going out (typically no more than 3 people) must be fully prepared to cover the costs of everyone being invited. They usually don’t have to do so, but it ensures that nobody feels awkward because they can’t afford to go.
Tower@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Good rule.
Nibodhika@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Hahaha, I had a friend around college time where we had the exact same dialogue every time:
I wasn’t rich or anything, but paying for that extra ticket or meal wouldn’t break my bank and he was my friend, I enjoyed hanging out with, so I would gladly spend that money to hang out with him.
Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 2 days ago
This logic is fine for concerts, restaurants etc. but it doesn’t stretch to friends having the same model of phone.
Tower@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Eh, it definitely seems excessive, but it’s likely just a matter of scale. If they’re really that well off, then spending 2 grand on a phone would be similar to buying concert tickets, or bringing a friend along to a theme park, etc.
Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I’m having a go at the reasoning more than the value. If having matching phones and headphones is important for social status then something is very wrong somewhere.
dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Why not? If they are not old enough to drive or go places on their own the phone is probably the main way they communicate outside of school. My family does hand me down phones for kids and I could imagine having compatibility issues like old android vs new iPhone can’t video chat easily or whatever.
I’m not saying this is for sure the case, but I can envision a world where having compatible phones makes some things easier. It is surely not as bad as the good old days when some people had flip phones and some had smart phones. But there still may well be a gap.
Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I’m not arguing they shouldn’t have a phone. I’m saying there is absolutely no need to have exactly the same model and headphones.
That’s says there is something wrong with their social group.