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blarghly@lemmy.world 3 weeks agoI’ve heard this argument before, and I don’t think it parses. After all, we have power imbalances in relationships all the time. Men are typically stronger than women and can physically overpower them - are all heterosexual relationships therefore creepy? Should people only date others of similar levels of physical strength?
Suppose one person is a high earning investment banker, while the other gives schoolchildren piano lessons. Surely this makes a financial power imbalance? Should these two dating be frowned upon?
Maybe one partner is a highly intelligent physicist who works at the large hadron collider, while the other is, by all accounts including their own, kind of dumb. Is a power imbalance in intelligence creepy? But wait! What if the “dumb” partner is bad at academic thinking, but is brilliant at connecting with people, while our physicist has a touch of the 'tism and is shy and awkward - would this constitute a “creepy” power imbalance in social/emotional power?
Are stay at home moms all in “creepy” relationships because their partners control their finances?
Also, nevermind the fact that huge amounts of kink is based around power imbalances - being physically overpowered, being punished, being humiliated, being subservient, etc. It’s fucking hot. Power imbalances are for many a fundamental part of their attraction.
And even specifically with the age gaps, and age gaps involving young adults in particular - I have talked to so many young adults who adamantly defend age gap relationships. And after all, why shouldn’t they? They are adults. They want to date who they want, and they don’t want society judging their relationships as creepy, or judging their potential partners. Say a 19 year old guy has a thing for older women. So he goes to a bar, sees a smokin hot 35 year old, and goes to flirt with her. She thinks he’s cute and flirts back. They go to bed together and have a lovely time. How is that creepy? It’s not. It’s just two people having a good time together.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
No, that still seems creepy.
blarghly@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Why do you think that?
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
So, first off your example takes advantage of a common yet sexist belief, that men constantly want sex. Some definitely do, but that generalization has led to a general assumption that men cannot be raped or taken advantage of.
Society has a very different reaction when a female teacher has sex with a male student than when it’s a male teacher and a female student. Even though it’s the same manipulation occurring, we see people congratulating the boy on getting laid, but the poor girl was victimized.
Now, I’ll admit that your example MAY be totally fine if it is exactly as it plays out in your description: Young guy goes out, and really wants to bring a girl home. So he takes his chances with an older woman, has a one night stand, and everything is consensual. I can see that playing out and both of them being happy with how the night played out.
If they continue to have a relationship after that, it starts to get creepy. My kids are around the 18-21 range, and I have a few coworkers in that range as well. I get along with them all just fine, but we have so little in common, that I can’t even imagine being in a relationship with somebody at that age.
I’ve heard people argue “But younger women are objectively more beautiful than older women so why would anyone not want the youngest, prettiest woman they can get?” And to me that’s a clear sign of being a total piece of shit. Anyone who says that is looking for eye candy to look at and show off. This is not someone who cares about a woman’s thoughts and opinions. This is not someone who is looking for a partner. This is someone who sees a woman as an accessory to his lifestyle, and he wants to have the shiniest one in his neighborhood.
Any middle aged person in a relationship with someone in their teens or twenties is either actively manipulating the younger person, or at best, completely objectifying them.
blarghly@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I was trying to avoid the common knee jerk response people have to a young woman being with an older man. But fine, I’ll make it as controversial as possible - a fine young woman who is 18 years old, graduated high school and moved out of her parents house a week ago, puts on her nicest black leather collar and matching eyeliner and heads to the local kink house to find herself an over 50 daddy dom. She finds one, and they go on to have a wonderful relationship for 7 years until she decides she wants something else in life and they part amicably.
I would argue that this makes complete sense (assuming the individual in question actually does find younger women more attractive), so long as one is not actively pursuing long term romantic partnerships. As long as everyone is consenting and having a good time, I see no reason why two people can’t simply share a common carnal attraction to each other.
Meanwhile, nothing precludes two people with a significant age gap from having a lot in common despite their age difference. I have a friend who emancipated herself at 16 and immediately went to travel SE Asia for years on a shoestring budget. I have another friend has started his own contracting business at 23. People mature at different rates, and can be very interesting at a young age. Again, assuming everyone is a consenting adult who is happy with the relationship, I see no reason to shame them.