kindnesskills

@kindnesskills@literature.cafe

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Sometimes I wonder if my older brother and I both were in grave danger, who would my parents save first... 🤔⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Probably whoever is in gravest danger or, if the danger is percieved as equal, who physically closest to them at the time.

  If one of you are able to save themselves they would save the other. If neither could save themselves they wouldn’t run past one of you to look for the other but get the first one they see out first.

  I don’t think trying to figure out favourites like this is worth thinking about, past the sbive point. If you dwell on thoughts like this beyond a slight curiosity it might just be your mind trying to come up with different ways to hurt you and make you suffer emotionally. Don’t let it.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨You ever wake up and question, "am i the bad guy"?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Yes, more when going to bed than waking up though.

  Let me introduce you to “I’m The Villain In My Own Story”: youtu.be/UhzN7SfnNeY

  From the excellent (though sometimes emotionally heavy) show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. It’s by far the best song in the show, but the most relevant.

  And in the artery to that vein, let me present “I’m A Good Person”: youtu.be/O4hh1YhDfbA

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Awkward interaction with my doctor⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s only as awkward as you and the other person makes it, and you sound like you made it pretty awkward for yourself before even giving the other person a chance to be non-awkward about it.

  If it’s something the person can fix immediately, like a downed zipper or food in their teeth or visible booger, tell them (discreetly) immediately. If it’s not fixable at the time, don’t draw attention to it.

  And I dont know how “oh, you seem to have a zipper malfunction” could ever be seen as trying to hit on someone, so you’d likely have been fine if you hadn’t blown it out of proportion.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Are there any women here who felt they didn't deserve to be called women?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  A woman doesn’t have to be feminine, there are plenty of masc and butch women. Would you feel more comfortable with short hair? There are also other options. Would you feel more comfortable thinking of yourself as a man (men can also be feminine or masculine), or neither, or both?

  I didn’t feel comfortable calling myself a woman, but not crossing any gender boundary, I just always preferred “girl”. I didn’t feel mature enough to be a woman until I kinda forced myself to claim that title. With enough use I now feel comfortable referring to myself as a woman.

  Titles and gender can be hard. You are allowed to experiment until you find the expression and terminology that suits you. But also, its okay to feel ridiculous, you can grow into feeling comfortable with whichever terminology you want.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨At what point do you consider a person an alcoholic?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I have had either of these two major symptoms most of my life.

  1. Unhealthy amount: not being able to stop as long as there is alcohol left, staying out til closing, often getting blackout drunk, emptying the glass before going to bed instead of into the sink. This I’ve had most of my life.

  2. Unhealthy frequency: drinking before or during social events, party every weekend, “unwinding” after work, drinking as a fix to something (like making boring tasks fun or improving my mood or to fall asleep or get energized), thinkig about it a lot, unable to resist whenever its available or offered. This slowly turned into a more and more frequent habit, until I was literally drinking at work.

  I guess there is also the final sign:

  3. Not being able to quit: this includes not even trying. I was never able to quit because I never really wanted to. Not wanting to quit is part of addiction, even when you need to. Once I tried to get in control of my drinking, I always found reason to drink pretty much as much as usual. This is when I finally realised that I was an addict. It’s easy to ignore if you never try to quit, but once you try and fail to quit (several times), it’s pretty obvious.