Comment on Dude almost lost his life
0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 months ago(which, in my experience, does appear to be more common in members of the BDSM community, make of that what you will)
It’s what they know. If they were children when it happened, it shaped their view on sex for their entire life. There is no going back from that. You can surprese the feelings, but you really can’t experience sex in any other way… of very rarely. They even sometimes see love theough that perspective.
Can’t blame them… it’s fucked up, but the best they can do is just move on and do whatever makes them happy, even if it is BDSM.
activ8r@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
I agree there is definitely some element of that for many people. I am a Domme myself and a lot of that is liking the control in the bedroom. I would never dream of talking to someone like that as a first interaction, but I have said much worse without blinking an eye under the right circumstances.
The opposite is true as well. I have found many Subs that like to be submissive within strict boundaries. At the end of the day it’s all about having control and that is defined on both sides, just in different ways.
I’m sure there are infinite more circumstances and thought processes as well.
Though I would like to highlight it’s not everyone. People are all different and there are many members of the BDSM community that haven’t experienced sexual abuse or any other kind of abuse. Just normal people that like to get freaky.
0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 months ago
Yes, I do like control in the bedroom as well. I think I would be a domm if I was in D/S relationship, but it’s too late for that now. I got a family, a kid, my wife is (mostly) mainstream regarding sex (toys, spanking, anal - very rarely though, but that’s about it).
But I do wonder from time to time what my life would have been like if I accepted a few indecent proposals I’ve had over the years… broke up with my wife (we were still dating back then) and just went allong with that. I like having a family, no question there, but I would most definitely change my sex partner. One, not enough of it (sex), two, doesn’t really fulfill my desires, three, I have to masturbate a lot because I don’t get what I want in the bedroom.
But, things are what they are. I can only fanstsize now and speak about it with complete strangers, since this is not something that society thinks it’s normal (at least not where I live).
Of course, goes without saying. I am a very gentle lover of I’m with someone I don’t know, but once you figure out what that person likes or dislikes, yeah, things can get very heated with me as well.
But, yeah, to be honest, if the other person wants to just “make love” (like spread your legs, hump for 10 minutes and get it over with, or if she wants gentle all the time) yeah, that is a downer for me).
Maybe I’m one of those, lol 😂. Haven’t really thought about classifying what kind of a kinky person I am 😂. I have a few, some are related to BDSM, some no.