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activ8r@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

That guy isn’t a Dom. He is just a sexually aggressive partner.
Real Doms require consent and that guy did not consent to being spoken to like that. Once boundaries have been established then that kinda talk can be hot as fuck, but based purely on this video alone the interviewer could have been anyone.

Overtly aggressive talk like that right out of the gate is not sexy, it’s just aggressive and can go very wrong if the person you are talking to is a sexual abuse victim (which, in my experience, does appear to be more common in members of the BDSM community, make of that what you will).

So anyone who looks at this video and sees no issue with his behaviour, take a step back and look at yourself. You don’t know what other people have been through and it’s incredibly important to make sure that people have a foundation of safety in any D/S communication, no matter how brief.

I can only hope that this wasn’t their first interaction and it was played up a bit for the camera. Otherwise this is simply unacceptable.

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Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I think it’s incredibly telling that very few people are considering it sexual harassment at all for a stranger to come up to someone on the street, shove a camera and microphone in their face, and start questioning them about their sexuality and sex life.

I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.

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- activ8r@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.
  
  It’s not.
  
  I think it’s incredibly telling that very few people are considering it sexual harassment at all for a stranger to come up to someone on the street, shove a camera and microphone in their face, and start questioning them about their sexuality and sex life.
  
  Asking a question about someone’s sexuality isn’t sexual harassment. That’s a really weird thing to think.
  
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  - Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Since you apparently stopped watching as soon as he asked “are you gay,” the question he asked after that was “are you a top or a bottom?”
    
    If for some reason you think that’s a more appropriate question to ask a stranger with a camera in their face than “do you use condoms?” or “have you ever tried BDSM?” then that is also a self report.
    
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    activ8r@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I started writing an annoyed reply then realised that maybe you just have a radically different level of comfort than I do.
    I’ll ask some of my friends who are not in the BDSM community for their opinion and I promise to have an honest re-evaluation of my thoughts on this, while taking your perspective to heart.
    Please consider that the video does appear to be in a setting where people would be more likely to answer these questions happily. However I am basing that on a few assumptions, so maybe I am mistaken.
    
    I would ask you to consider how your comments come across to others. I’m sure you are simply trying to establish reasonable boundaries for people of your comfort level, and I absolutely respect that, but your comments in response to me were very aggressive from the beginning.
    And yes, I do see how my exact complaint with your comments may be related to your point about the video. I will take some time to give that consideration as well.
    
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  - Neon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    
    Asking a question about someone’s sexuality isn’t sexual harassment. That’s a really weird thing to think.
    
    if i’m asking a friend in a quiet place it’s not. If i go up to a Stranger with a Camera, it is.
    
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- MaoZedongers@lemmy.today ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Yes we should make being an on the ground reporter illegal they shouldn’t be allowed to ask people questions in public that’s crazy and he was forced to answer, he totally couldn’t just like ignore him and keep walking, what an invasion of privacy in public.
  
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- Neon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  I’m sure it has nothing to do with the guy who started and continued talking about sex being a baby faced white guy and the other dude being a fit black guy.
  
  Your Comment was absolutely great until you had to make it about skin color.
  
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0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

(which, in my experience, does appear to be more common in members of the BDSM community, make of that what you will)

It’s what they know. If they were children when it happened, it shaped their view on sex for their entire life. There is no going back from that. You can surprese the feelings, but you really can’t experience sex in any other way… of very rarely. They even sometimes see love theough that perspective.

Can’t blame them… it’s fucked up, but the best they can do is just move on and do whatever makes them happy, even if it is BDSM.

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- activ8r@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I agree there is definitely some element of that for many people. I am a Domme myself and a lot of that is liking the control in the bedroom. I would never dream of talking to someone like that as a first interaction, but I have said much worse without blinking an eye under the right circumstances.
  The opposite is true as well. I have found many Subs that like to be submissive within strict boundaries. At the end of the day it’s all about having control and that is defined on both sides, just in different ways.
  I’m sure there are infinite more circumstances and thought processes as well.
  
  Though I would like to highlight it’s not everyone. People are all different and there are many members of the BDSM community that haven’t experienced sexual abuse or any other kind of abuse. Just normal people that like to get freaky.
  
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  - 0x4E4F@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    
    I am a Domme myself and a lot of that is liking the control in the bedroom.
    
    Yes, I do like control in the bedroom as well. I think I would be a domm if I was in D/S relationship, but it’s too late for that now. I got a family, a kid, my wife is (mostly) mainstream regarding sex (toys, spanking, anal - very rarely though, but that’s about it).
    
    But I do wonder from time to time what my life would have been like if I accepted a few indecent proposals I’ve had over the years… broke up with my wife (we were still dating back then) and just went allong with that. I like having a family, no question there, but I would most definitely change my sex partner. One, not enough of it (sex), two, doesn’t really fulfill my desires, three, I have to masturbate a lot because I don’t get what I want in the bedroom.
    
    But, things are what they are. I can only fanstsize now and speak about it with complete strangers, since this is not something that society thinks it’s normal (at least not where I live).
    
    I would never dream of talking to someone like that as a first interaction, but I have said much worse without blinking an eye under the right circumstances.
    
    Of course, goes without saying. I am a very gentle lover of I’m with someone I don’t know, but once you figure out what that person likes or dislikes, yeah, things can get very heated with me as well.
    
    But, yeah, to be honest, if the other person wants to just “make love” (like spread your legs, hump for 10 minutes and get it over with, or if she wants gentle all the time) yeah, that is a downer for me).
    
    Just normal people that like to get freaky.
    
    Maybe I’m one of those, lol 😂. Haven’t really thought about classifying what kind of a kinky person I am 😂. I have a few, some are related to BDSM, some no.
    
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