So, I’ll argue with people on Nextdoor about things like ICE and trans issues when they come up. Over the last few weeks I’ve been talking directly with a woman from there, after a discussion about ICE. She identifies as conservative/libertarian, but to be fair she also voted for the incumbent Democrat in our congressional district so there legitimately was some wiggle room there, not just a MAGA claiming to be moderate.

Over the long course of our conversation, she seems to see the anti-Trump point of view a lot better and even changed her mind a little bit on some topics. I also accidentally triggered what I can best describe as an introspective crisis when I explained that I’m not entirely comfortable considering her a friend when she turns a blind eye to the harm Trump is causing others, including the diverse group of friends I have (it was a more detailed, gentle explanation but that was the gist of it)

Since this is ongoing and I’ve been kind of surprised at how it’s gone, here’s what I think has worked well…

• Keep things friendly. I know that’s hard to do, but if you come on too strong and angry, you’ll just drive people away from you and firmer in their position

• Stay on-topic to the things that matter most. Things like people being sent to CECOT without so much as a trial (disregarding multiple amendments in the bill of rights)

• Stay factual. Be prepared to back up with sources, and offer to ahead of time. Be absolutely sure that everything you say is bulletproofly true. Avoid getting alarmist.

• Pace yourself. I’d go hours just thinking about what was said and how best to respond. We agreed this was best so we didn’t get distracted from our lives too much

• Listen. I can’t think of anything where I’ve really changed my mind, but it does give a way to frame your concerns (“I hear what you’re saying about the influx of migrants. I’m not sure what the data shows there, but if you let the government bypass protocol they’re basically incentivized to let the mess get so big they can take away rights and that doesn’t sit well with me” or “I get that you want people to go through the legal process, but ICE is picking up people in court on their way to their check-ins. They’re TRYING to keep things legal and are getting punished for it”). Sometimes I’ve circled back to things said earlier to make a connection (don’t like CECOT happening? This is the kind of thing that got us there)