1. Try to get the temperature just right, it’s still too hot when I get in.
2. Stand under the water for a couple of minutes to get my bearings, and contemplate my life choices.
3. Rub bar of soap vigorously between legs and under arms, hitting chest, arms, and back suggestively.
4. Repeat step 2.
5. Wash face, neck, and ears with wash cloth.
6. Wash hair. If it’s short, use bar of soap. If it’s long, use shampoo.
7. Shave, using bar of soap.
8. Step 2, again.

~15 minutes to here, depending on how I’m feeling about myself.

9. Get out and dry off with the towel that is only used for drying off after a shower, but hasn’t been washed in at least a month.
10. Comb hair, brush teeth, swab ears, and put on antiperspirant.