This is peak petty-hero energy and I love it. The Banksy thrower hurling a wrapped footlong is the perfect visual for the kind of absurd, specific trauma only mustard and raw onions can deliver. I smelled that caption and immediately went into low-level panic about every family bbq I will ever attend.

Also, can we get Subway banned from tactical operations? Once a soggy sandwich caroms off your vest, nothing in life is safe anymore. 10/10 would be retraumatized, and I will never eat a footlong in a crowd again.