i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
Unless you decide to independently verify everything you interact with, there is a certain amount of faith that one needs to keep to live day-to-day. I’m not talking about religion.
If I hold a rock in my hand and think it’s a very old rock, but instead it was just a piece of concrete, does it matter?
To you, am I just a bot or am I a person very far away from you talking to you over the Fediverse? Does it matter?
Is the sun really there, or is it an elaborate hoax? Observing the sun and moving on is enough. Does it matter?
What does matter to you? If you ask me, you should care about a few things. Your own wellbeing. The wellbeing of your community. Your friends. The things that bring you any joy. (And if you have none, then if you work on your own wellbeing, you will be able to find joy after a certain point.)
What if you weren’t biologically your parents’ child, but they weren’t aware of that fact, either? Like you got swapped at the hospital? What would that change for you?
DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
It would probably trigger an existential crisis in me. Identity crisis.
It could explain my depression and anxiety. I heard that the bond between biological mother and child is stronger, like there’s a biology aspect to make the bond stronger or something. So maybe lacking the bond would cause issues with parent-child relationships
If my parents were aware of it, it could explain why they seem to be okay with abusive behaivors, afterall, it wouldn’t “really” be their “real” child. As to why they would take me in the first place. I have no idea, I read weird stories all the time. Some rich family stole a kid from a poor family back in the 1900s in the US. Later DNA tests after their deaths revealed the truth.
I’d be more willing to just go no contact if I became aware of this fact. Not that I dislike the idea of adoptive parents, but its also factoring their borderline abusive behaviors. It would be the final nail in the coffin, this relationship would be dead and burried.
Citizenship issues. So everything gets retroactively annulled, citizenship, and my entry when I was 8 would’ve been retroactively made illegal. (This is a reason to not to the dna test)
But on the other hand, if DNA is confirmed to be a match, I would be slightly more comfortable with talking to them about my issues, I mean at least I can stop worrying about that weird obssessive fear and constantly questioning the past.
And I don’t mean to offend anyone who was adopted, the culture I was raised in was different, so please excuse me for any offense.
i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
It sounds like you are struggling with how your parents and the rest of your family treat you.
Does it make it better or worse if you were indeed their child?
In my mind, blood means nothing. Blood might be your starting place, but you can choose to keep who you want at any time. I only associate with people that do not mistreat me. I was NC with my dad until he died. He treated me like shit, so one day I refused to give him the time of day.
My ex was also horribly abusive to me. When I decided “no more,” he got no special treatment from me either. I got a restraining order against him, like I would for anyone that would try to physically harm me.
Holding on to the past and keeping score isn’t helpful for you. It’s ok to remember it as the reason why you wouldn’t talk to them (or gray rock if you must still associate), but to wish the score was settled? It is a burden on you. Treat yourself with the dignity you deserve, let it go, and heal.
It is not easy, but you are worth this work.
I realize that you see things that planted this seed in your head. I am telling you, that is not really the root of your issue.
What does matter? The people that you do choose. The things YOU decide are important.
Believe me, I know this. I have been mistreated for my childhood and early adulthood. I always wondered what I did to deserve it. Truth of the matter is, I was never likely to find the answer. I could spend a whole lifetime wondering, and for what? I just chalked it up to other people sucking. The way they treated me isn’t a reflection of me, it speaks more to their own shortcomings. I still get mad at how they treated me sometimes, it’s not perfect. But it has made my life a whole lot happier when I let this go. It’s time for you, too.