"Your" files? No no no, rookie mistake. You see, you might think that just because you created them they are YOUR files, but since you were them using Microsoft's software, on Microsoft's OS, they are actually Microsoft's files that they graciously license to you for limited use! Should have read all those EULAS, eh?

... I don't even friggin' know if I should put an /s at the end - the current tech dystopia it can actually be true.