A_Wild_Zeus_Chase@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
You say small talk is “irrelevant” to your job, but since you lost that job for not doing it, and it sounds like not for the first time, it is, by definition, extremely relevant.
“I felt they weren’t listening to me.” That is how, by your own admission, you made them feel for 8 weeks. To turn your question around, why should they listen to you?
I understand how you feel. I never understood natural small talk in school, and like you I was ostracized for it.
But the difference is I recognized how important it was to have allies in any environment, and the only way you get them is via socializing.
So I tried, I suffered, I learned and I got better. And that I did that again, and again, and again.
Have you made that effort? You already said you haven’t.
But this episode clearly hurt you, and it’s happened in the past, so don’t you think it’s time to learn?
Einstein once said that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.
Have you accepted that if you don’t change, these things will happen, again and again, for the rest of your life? If not, you are insane.
You say they are thin skinned, but to a few external observers, this long post also feels that way. Either don’t change and accept the known consequences of your actions without complaint, or adapt.
Of course it’s difficult. But people do difficult things every day. Think of it as a challenge. In addition to asking “do we give sodium bicarbonate by metabolic acidosis or alkalosis?”, also ask “so, have any plans for the weekend?”. And remember both answers, and ask them how whatever they talked about on Monday.
These conversations don’t have to take long, but just engaging for a minute or two will drastically change people’s perceptions of you. Which, considering those people can fire you, is extremely relevant.
Ultimately, your complaint is they don’t care about you. But you admit to not caring about them or their problems either, so I don’t understand why you’d expect a different outcome.
dennis5wheel@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
because they’re supposed to be adults and that behavior is something 14 year olds do and I’m too old for that. I really expected adults to separate personal life from work life and not engage in gossip like that. You don’t need to point out how misguided I was and how unrealistic my expectations are.
Sad, but I’ll have to find a job with no politics. I don’t go to work because my life is so empty I need drama or chaos. I want a quiet life.
You state you made an effort to practice this kind of theatrics and somehow mastered it. Don’t you go home back with a headache after playing so much? don’t you have the feeling of wasting your life while you could be learning and becoming a better worker? I mean I simply don’t understand how you have the mental fortitude to listen to that kind of baloney.
Allies at the workplace? hell yeah, give me the mature ones, the adult ones, the ones I can learn from. These are the ones I want to work with.
A_Wild_Zeus_Chase@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
But you need to understand, they feel the same way about you.
When you ignore them instead of engaging on every topic, they think you are giving them the silent treatment, which is also associated with children
Give you the mature ones you can learn from, you say. Have you engaged those people? People will be more likely to teach you if they like you, and they’ll be more likely to like you if you talk to them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong that it shouldn’t be this way, and I am agreeing with you that a position of like lab/rad tech with less colleagues might be more fitting to your personality.
But I am saying expecting people to care about you, understand you and treat you well, while you make no effort to do the same, is completely naive and hypocritical.
dennis5wheel@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
this is an insightful comment:
but they bore me
hell yeah. Up until I was fired I was learning from them.
I disagree: to extroverts this comes naturally, effortless whereas I have to consciously engage and listen to a boring story. To me this is like a second job of top of my duties. Not worth it. I don’t want them to treat me well, I want them to treat me professionally.
What also bothers me is the expectation of having to be best buddies with everyone there. I like choosing my friends. I cannot fake.
I appreciate your comments because you seem genuine but this answer is going to be downvoted into oblivion.
As a matter of fact I don’t believe a learning focused person like me, relatively new to the ER, can fake being extroverted. These behaviors slow me down.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
First, it is ok to be bored. Yes, people will blather about stuff you don’t care about. At least you are getting paid to listen in a workplace?
Based on context they were referring to the refusal to engage when they said every. Aka not engaging with any topic.
You should engage with some topics instead of zero topics if you want to get along with people. Yes, it can be a lot of work, but less work as you get more practice.
Also this comment is a big warning that your behavior really is the problem. The managers were not saying you need to be best buds with anyone, just that you need to play along with social dynamics sometimes instead of never.
nemo@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
Yes, you will occasionally be bored at work. Yes, socializing is a form of work for us introverts. But what you don't seem to get is that this isn't a second job; it's part of the main job.
tane69@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Lmfao at your entire personality and all your responses in this thread and you accuse others of being boring. Lady, you are like watching paint dry in human form
Archer@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Everything you’re saying should be true, but that’s not how the real world is, unfortunately
dennis5wheel@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
I’m discovering this the hard way.