Why is everything we do, when we band together, seen as suspect and dangerous?
Comment on Women Dating Safety App 'Tea' Breached, Users' IDs Posted to 4chan
Feathercrown@lemmy.world 5 days agoTea could easily be used for two extremely different purposes:
- Legitimate use to inform and protect women from abusive men
- Illegitimate use to spread misinformation (libel!) about men with no verification of truth or reasonable appeal process
The idea of Tea isn’t bad-- I’ve thought about the potential utility of similar apps myself-- but most people who are reacting badly are recognizing that it’s a nearly impossible moderation problem that will be used for bad things too.
Zephorah@discuss.online 5 days ago
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 5 days ago
It’s suspect and dangerous due to its design, not the fact that it’s used by women. If there were an app where employers could rate their employees, it would have the same problems and I’d feel the same way about it.
Zephorah@discuss.online 4 days ago
This is a safety feature of women social groups for time immemorial. It’s a piece of how we survived prior to the last 50 years, and it continued as we moved forward into the era of liberation. We talk to each other.
I realize the “guy code” is one of silence. Cheating? Bros won’t say anything or warn anyone, by this code. In fact, the opposite is demanded by that code. Woman do the opposite, that is how the woman code works. I’ve witnessed fallout in friend groups when these diametrically opposed codes meet on regards to another friend. Apparently, having lunch with the cheated on woman and letting her know what is happening is applauded by women and enraging to men.
The piece regarding cheating is about integrity and treating people right in addition to safety. The rest of it is usually just about safety.
We survived millennia between being treated like prized horses. uteruses/vaginas with life support systems attached, and animals to be beaten, by talking to each other. Warning each other. Helping each other, where able.
The anger here, from you, is 100% expected, but the ordinary nature of that anger doesn’t make women wrong for exposing safety concerns in the dating pool. Given the myriad of diseases, including the incredible comeback of syphilis the last couple years, cheating is also a safety concern. Cheating should be exposed, always.
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
I realize the “guy code” is one of silence. Cheating? Bros won’t say anything or warn anyone, by this code. In fact, the opposite is demanded by that code. Woman do the opposite, that is how the woman code works.
I was not aware of this! I’ll have to consult my bro handbook.
The anger here, from you, is 100% expected, but the ordinary nature of that anger doesn’t make women wrong for exposing safety concerns in the dating pool.
What anger I have is directed towards the shitty website that didn’t protect their users’ very private data, and I assume that’s where yours is, too. (And, of course, 4chan, but fuck 4chan all day, every day.)
I don’t know anything about your “guy code”. I don’t view other men as my allies just because we share a gender, and I don’t view women as adversaries just because they have a different gender. I try to treat everybody the same regardless of gender. I’m not perfect, of course, since I grew up in the same fucked-up patriarchy as everybody else, but I do my best.
You seem to have very black-and-white thinking.
Cheating should be exposed, always.
I’m actually neutral on this statement. I haven’t had this experience, but if I knew that a friend was being cheated on, I think that the appropriate thing to do would be to inform them. If both the cheater and the cheatee were my friends, that would make things harder, and I would have a dilemma. If my friend is the cheater and I’m not friends with the cheatee, then I’m minding my own business. Again, though, I haven’t had this experience, so it’s hard to say what I would do for sure.
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
Cheating? Bros won’t say anything or warn anyone,
Been cheated on by 3 different women. Guess how many of their friends told me what was happening. 0. So does that mean that her friends actually identified as men, or that you’re biased and actually this isn’t a “men” thing? Not one of them “had lunch” with me, so they must not have been women.
I’ve literally been cheated on by 3 different women and never cheated on anyone myself. The one time I was the 3rd party, the woman lied and said her and her BF had broken up, but they hadn’t. As such I’m absolutely sick of this whole “men cheat and women are perfect creatures who are perpetual victims” shit. Women cheat too.
Where’s my “cheating cunts” app to post pics and shit talk them, that also includes “pro” features such as address and phone number? Turnabout is fair play.
echodot@feddit.uk 4 days ago
Okay so you’re now mad about some perceived social convention that you think all men follow. Ironic.
If one of my friends was cheating on his girlfriend and I knew I would definitely tell her, why wouldn’t I? Of course, the likelihood is that if they were the type to cheat on their girlfriend they’re probably not the sort of person I’d be hanging out within the first place.
So you’re now self-selecting for obnoxious people who think that women are just trophies. But that’s not “guy code” that’s just crap people, and there are absolutely women who will cheat on men and their friends will cover it up and say things like “ooh what happens in Ibiza/Vegas”.
burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 4 days ago
Don’t look up something called, and I’m not remembering it perfectly, ‘the number,’ in the US, anyway.
dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 days ago
of course, the app has obvious problems, but I don’t see that as justifying the gloating and sense of revenge enjoyment happening.
Instead I see a kind of discontent about women I find concerning, which seems ignorant of the widespread violence women experience or what it’s like for women who take risks when dating men.
Men are not all equally problematic or privileged, but they are generally in a position of power relative to women and are acting like the victims here.
They should direct their discontent to patriarchy which creates the situation where violence against women is dismissed or accepted, and which motivates women to use apps to check if the person they are dating has a history of violent behavior.
Patriarchy which perpetuates the narrative that men are natural predators and women natural prey is what victimizes men here, not the women who rightfully fear and feel victimized by the minority of men who are violent.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 4 days ago
Pfft. They actually need a better half instead of being anti-social AI users.
They should care about nothing, and expect nothing.
That way, no entitlement, and no disappointment.
otp@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
What’s a better half?
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 4 days ago
Something to do with love and coupling. Idk, I have been militantly asexual until recently. Now I’m just a misanthrope.