In my experience, you try to have as little to do with them as possible. Do you have some legal obligation to be their caregiver?
I think most people will recommend setting boundaries and sticking to them, however, they are compelled to cross any lines you set.
You kind of end up setting sacrificial boundaries that they can cross, or boundaries with a buffer zone so they can cross it a little bit without going too far.
Like, if the speed limit is 50 km/h, they’re going to go 55 km/h, and that’s still a safe speed so you’re happy and they’re happy. If they go 100 km/h, well, that’s genuinely unsafe and you’re forced to intervene.
TheReanuKeeves@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Moral obligation. Yes I am in that constant cycle of setting boundaries, having them crossed, and forgiving them because they have noone else to care for them. I don’t see giving up as an option on the matter but I know I’m sacrificing my mental health for them.
Eknz@lemmy.eknz.org 3 days ago
I’m dealing with a situation at the moment where an individual was a caregiver for decades, only for the cared person to turn around and leave the caregiver to die when the caregiver became too old to provide the care the cared person felt entitled to have.
They will never show you any gratitude, and it will be genuinely dangerous when you decide to stop or simply can no longer continue providing care.
Once you exist in the psychopath’s world, you only have one of two choices: be useful or be destroyed. People without any utility to them don’t exist to them, however, once you exist, you can’t go back to not existing.
Take care, and acknowledge the opportunity cost of your time and energy is being deprived from other people who genuinely need and can appreciate it.
TheReanuKeeves@lemmy.world 3 days ago
That’s the answer I expected but I hoped for some kind of miracle tactic. I know you’re right and it’s something I need to consider the pros and cons of. I appreciate your advice
Eknz@lemmy.eknz.org 3 days ago
Is there any reason why you downvoted my other comments?
You can learn a lot of valuable skills by being a caregiver to someone like this, although they will try to pull you into their cynical worldview. This is a simplistic, and distorted view of the world that aligns with how psychopaths and narcissists experience the world, however, isn’t useful nor realistic.
They both have a splitting mechanism where people are split into an all good and an all bad object, and struggle to integrate these two objects into an integrated object that accurately represents the person. The psychopath can’t create complete objects, and so splits the person into good in the form of utility, and bad in the form of impediment to their goals… Cynicism is assuming everyone’s true self is the bad object because they feel it’s safer to assume the worst in someone than assume the best.