Comment on The joy of quitting a shit job with an asshole boss
tamman2000@lemmy.world 2 days agoWhat I was trying to explore in my story is a different layer. Something personal and internal. Though respect should be a two way street, it is still a street worth walking alone. That even in imperfect systems, even when others don’t “earn” your respect or see your effort, there’s still a kind of power in choosing to show up with integrity. Not because they deserve it, but because you do.
I think that’s a fine way to go through life. But to expect it of others is messed up. Some people don’t want to prioritize a job that will not prioritise them, and that’s fine. Your suggestion is just a little too close to “tread on me harder, Daddy” than a lot of people are comfortable with. And they aren’t wrong. If doing the work for yourself works for you, that is great. It will make your life easier in some ways. But it absolutely should not be expected in our society.
Bamboodpanda@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I want to clarify something I’ve been trying to express in this conversation.
I’m not saying anyone owes loyalty, effort, or integrity to a company that doesn’t respect them. If a workplace is unfair or exploitative, people have every right to disengage or walk away. That’s not just valid, it’s necessary.
But that’s not what I’m talking about.
What I’m talking about is you. Who you choose to be, no matter what kind of environment you’re in. Are you on time? Do you follow through on your word? Are you consistent and accountable. Even when no one’s watching?
This isn’t about your boss. This isn’t about your company. This is about whether you want to be the kind of person who can be trusted, counted on, and respected by yourself.
When you live by values like integrity, honesty, and reliability, not because anyone’s rewarding you, but because they reflect who you are, you gain something real. You grow. You get stronger. You carry that into everything else in your life, your relationships, your work, your reputation, your self-worth.
This isn’t submission. This isn’t compliance. You can absolutely reject broken systems while still choosing to live by your own standards. That’s what I mean by self-respect. That’s where the power is.
So when I told my guy, “I’m disappointed,” it wasn’t about control or discipline. It was about hope. I’ve tried to show him what it looks like to show up, not because someone’s cracking a whip, but because you want to be the kind of person who shows up.
I hold him to that standard because I see what’s possible in him and I believe in what those values can unlock for anyone.
This is not about imposing expectations. It’s an invitation. To rise. To grow. To build something in yourself that no one can take away.
And yes, I believe we need more of that in the world. Not because we’re told to, but because we choose to.
dil@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
death takes everything away, everything can be taken away, no such thing as building something that cant be taken away
tamman2000@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I don’t think we didn’t understand what you’re getting at. I think you’re missing my point though.
You’re describing the way you see respect and work in your value system. Totally valid.
I’m saying that to some people bringing that kind of commitment to a job that disrespects you by not compensating you adequately is disrespectful to yourself.
Are you the kind of person who goes the extra mile for people above you in a hierarchy who don’t give a shit about you? To many, answering yes to that question indicates the lack of self respect, not the presence of it.
Bamboodpanda@lemmy.world 1 day ago
This isn’t about pouring yourself out for an employer that doesn’t care. It’s not about “going above and beyond.” It’s not about grinding harder or giving more than you’re getting. That’s not the standard I’m talking about.
What I am talking about is the foundation. I am talking about the basic, essential qualities that every relationship (personal or professional) is built on: reliability, respect, integrity, follow-through.
If you say, “I’ll be there at 5,” then be there at 5. That has nothing to do with giving more or going the extra mile. It’s about whether people can trust your word. Whether your actions line up with what you say. Whether others (teammates, friends, partners, family) know that your word has value.
When you’ve built that foundation of trust, life’s inevitable curveballs become manageable and explainable. When you have a genuine emergency, when circumstances beyond your control interfere, people believe you. They extend grace because your track record speaks for itself. But if you’re consistently unreliable, every excuse (legitimate or not) gets met with skepticism. You’ve lost the benefit of the doubt.
The employee I mentioned wasn’t being asked to sacrifice for a system. He was being asked to keep his word. He said he would be there. He wasn’t. He has never been mistreated or underpaid. The opposite actually. He was hired with no experience into a well-paying, supportive environment. Every failure has been met with encouragement from leadership. But honestly? That’s not even the point. Because the values I’m talking about matter regardless of whether the system is fair or not.
Why? Because these values belong to you. You take them with you wherever you go. They make you stronger, clearer, more capable of building relationships that matter. They are what open doors (not just in jobs, but in life). And they’re what create the trust that protects you when things go wrong.
I’m not calling people to give more to bad systems. I’m calling people to give more to themselves. To build a foundation they can stand on so when they do need to call out injustice, advocate for change, or walk away, they do it from a place of strength, not reaction. Not out of anger, but out of clarity.
So yes, I am trying to convince people of something. Not to serve power. But to be powerful.
And the truth is, you can’t build anything strong (anywhere) if people can’t count on you. That’s not a corporate value. That’s a human one.