So, first off your example takes advantage of a common yet sexist belief, that men constantly want sex. Some definitely do, but that generalization has led to a general assumption that men cannot be raped or taken advantage of.
Society has a very different reaction when a female teacher has sex with a male student than when it’s a male teacher and a female student. Even though it’s the same manipulation occurring, we see people congratulating the boy on getting laid, but the poor girl was victimized.
Now, I’ll admit that your example MAY be totally fine if it is exactly as it plays out in your description: Young guy goes out, and really wants to bring a girl home. So he takes his chances with an older woman, has a one night stand, and everything is consensual. I can see that playing out and both of them being happy with how the night played out.
If they continue to have a relationship after that, it starts to get creepy. My kids are around the 18-21 range, and I have a few coworkers in that range as well. I get along with them all just fine, but we have so little in common, that I can’t even imagine being in a relationship with somebody at that age.
I’ve heard people argue “But younger women are objectively more beautiful than older women so why would anyone not want the youngest, prettiest woman they can get?” And to me that’s a clear sign of being a total piece of shit. Anyone who says that is looking for eye candy to look at and show off. This is not someone who cares about a woman’s thoughts and opinions. This is not someone who is looking for a partner. This is someone who sees a woman as an accessory to his lifestyle, and he wants to have the shiniest one in his neighborhood.
Any middle aged person in a relationship with someone in their teens or twenties is either actively manipulating the younger person, or at best, completely objectifying them.
So, first off your example takes advantage of a common yet sexist belief…
I was trying to avoid the common knee jerk response people have to a young woman being with an older man. But fine, I’ll make it as controversial as possible - a fine young woman who is 18 years old, graduated high school and moved out of her parents house a week ago, puts on her nicest black leather collar and matching eyeliner and heads to the local kink house to find herself an over 50 daddy dom. She finds one, and they go on to have a wonderful relationship for 7 years until she decides she wants something else in life and they part amicably.
But younger women are objectively more beautiful than older women so why would anyone not want the youngest, prettiest woman they can get?
I would argue that this makes complete sense (assuming the individual in question actually does find younger women more attractive), so long as one is not actively pursuing long term romantic partnerships. As long as everyone is consenting and having a good time, I see no reason why two people can’t simply share a common carnal attraction to each other.
Meanwhile, nothing precludes two people with a significant age gap from having a lot in common despite their age difference. I have a friend who emancipated herself at 16 and immediately went to travel SE Asia for years on a shoestring budget. I have another friend has started his own contracting business at 23. People mature at different rates, and can be very interesting at a young age. Again, assuming everyone is a consenting adult who is happy with the relationship, I see no reason to shame them.
Again, as a wild no strings attached night of debauchery, sure, it could happen and no harm done. But, let’s be honest, if this is something they are doing often, that’s not really normal behavior, and is often a symptom of an underlying issue.
I find it much more likely in your scenario, that the older person is manipulating the other person’s depression or emotional trauma and that their relationship is dysfunctional.
I have a feeling that you were a very horny teenager.
Sorry, I’ll explain. If someone spent their teenage years obsessed with sex, and thinking about how they’d bang anything that would let them, they’d probably be more understanding of a teenager sleeping with a 50 year old. “I wish I even had that chance” they think so many years later.
I have a feeling that you were a very horny teenager.
Lol, guilty as charged. And the horniness has not really abated. I never wanted to fuck a 50 year old, but I definitely had some teachers I woulda been stoked to shack up with.
But I think it’s weird that you seem to be saying that this is weird. I am well aware of the fact that people who are asexual or who have a low sex drive exist, and I think their sexuality (or lack thereof, as it may be) should be legitimized and supported. But at the same time, I find it hard to believe that most other people aren’t approximately as horny as I am. Outside of bots, the majority of internet traffic is porn. People spend billions of dollars on sex and sex-adjacent pursuits, from dildos to ED drugs to gym memberships to strappy sports bras to hair plugs. As the old Oscar Wilde quote goes - “Everything in the world is about sex…”
So when someone starts talking about “X is just because of sex” or “Y is the thing we care about because it isn’t about sex”, what I think is “yeah, sex is important. Of course that’s what we’re talking about.” And denial or push back starts to sound like “my puritanical sex-negative upbringing has trained me to be uncomfortable talking about sex, so I’m going to delegitimize sexual desire as a significant factor in any interaction.”
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 2 months ago
So, first off your example takes advantage of a common yet sexist belief, that men constantly want sex. Some definitely do, but that generalization has led to a general assumption that men cannot be raped or taken advantage of.
Society has a very different reaction when a female teacher has sex with a male student than when it’s a male teacher and a female student. Even though it’s the same manipulation occurring, we see people congratulating the boy on getting laid, but the poor girl was victimized.
Now, I’ll admit that your example MAY be totally fine if it is exactly as it plays out in your description: Young guy goes out, and really wants to bring a girl home. So he takes his chances with an older woman, has a one night stand, and everything is consensual. I can see that playing out and both of them being happy with how the night played out.
If they continue to have a relationship after that, it starts to get creepy. My kids are around the 18-21 range, and I have a few coworkers in that range as well. I get along with them all just fine, but we have so little in common, that I can’t even imagine being in a relationship with somebody at that age.
I’ve heard people argue “But younger women are objectively more beautiful than older women so why would anyone not want the youngest, prettiest woman they can get?” And to me that’s a clear sign of being a total piece of shit. Anyone who says that is looking for eye candy to look at and show off. This is not someone who cares about a woman’s thoughts and opinions. This is not someone who is looking for a partner. This is someone who sees a woman as an accessory to his lifestyle, and he wants to have the shiniest one in his neighborhood.
Any middle aged person in a relationship with someone in their teens or twenties is either actively manipulating the younger person, or at best, completely objectifying them.
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I was trying to avoid the common knee jerk response people have to a young woman being with an older man. But fine, I’ll make it as controversial as possible - a fine young woman who is 18 years old, graduated high school and moved out of her parents house a week ago, puts on her nicest black leather collar and matching eyeliner and heads to the local kink house to find herself an over 50 daddy dom. She finds one, and they go on to have a wonderful relationship for 7 years until she decides she wants something else in life and they part amicably.
I would argue that this makes complete sense (assuming the individual in question actually does find younger women more attractive), so long as one is not actively pursuing long term romantic partnerships. As long as everyone is consenting and having a good time, I see no reason why two people can’t simply share a common carnal attraction to each other.
Meanwhile, nothing precludes two people with a significant age gap from having a lot in common despite their age difference. I have a friend who emancipated herself at 16 and immediately went to travel SE Asia for years on a shoestring budget. I have another friend has started his own contracting business at 23. People mature at different rates, and can be very interesting at a young age. Again, assuming everyone is a consenting adult who is happy with the relationship, I see no reason to shame them.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Again, as a wild no strings attached night of debauchery, sure, it could happen and no harm done. But, let’s be honest, if this is something they are doing often, that’s not really normal behavior, and is often a symptom of an underlying issue.
I find it much more likely in your scenario, that the older person is manipulating the other person’s depression or emotional trauma and that their relationship is dysfunctional.
I have a feeling that you were a very horny teenager.
Sorry, I’ll explain. If someone spent their teenage years obsessed with sex, and thinking about how they’d bang anything that would let them, they’d probably be more understanding of a teenager sleeping with a 50 year old. “I wish I even had that chance” they think so many years later.
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Lol, guilty as charged. And the horniness has not really abated. I never wanted to fuck a 50 year old, but I definitely had some teachers I woulda been stoked to shack up with.
But I think it’s weird that you seem to be saying that this is weird. I am well aware of the fact that people who are asexual or who have a low sex drive exist, and I think their sexuality (or lack thereof, as it may be) should be legitimized and supported. But at the same time, I find it hard to believe that most other people aren’t approximately as horny as I am. Outside of bots, the majority of internet traffic is porn. People spend billions of dollars on sex and sex-adjacent pursuits, from dildos to ED drugs to gym memberships to strappy sports bras to hair plugs. As the old Oscar Wilde quote goes - “Everything in the world is about sex…”
So when someone starts talking about “X is just because of sex” or “Y is the thing we care about because it isn’t about sex”, what I think is “yeah, sex is important. Of course that’s what we’re talking about.” And denial or push back starts to sound like “my puritanical sex-negative upbringing has trained me to be uncomfortable talking about sex, so I’m going to delegitimize sexual desire as a significant factor in any interaction.”