Comment on How do people develop feelings for someone?

• throwawaysalami@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

  Okay, clearly you’re at the end of your rope here. And I thank you for sticking around for as long as you could.

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  • Sunsofold@lemmings.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    I’ll toss on a bit more here if they can’t. If you are great at making friends then you probably have some idea of ‘signals’ that someone is interested in someone. Flirting is the process of displaying those signals toward someone you find attractive in the hopes of getting feedback signals. It’s a way of subtly allowing people to show their intentions without risking the embarrassment of a direct rejection. You can learn to play the game if you want. Some people really enjoy it. Some people don’t.

    Note, though, it is entirely possible to skip it if you are willing to be a bit forward, and simply say, ‘I find you very attractive and like you a lot. Would you be interested in going on a date and seeing how things feel?’ This risks the awkwardness of a direct rejection, the possible discomfort for the other person if they feel intimidated by you, but cuts through the extra layers of process and can be a refreshing burst of earnestness for many people.

    You’ve asked how it’s different from friend interactions. The baseline difference is expectation and physicality. In a basic friendship, there is little expectation and little contact. You might not expect much more from a low level friendship than from a decent stranger. (Pass me the salt) A good friend is someone you can expect more of, and by whom are expected of more. (Help me move.) A best friend is someone for whom you would be expected to take serious personal risk, and who you would expect to take personal risk for your sake. (I need to get across the border, no questions asked.)

    Romance takes many forms but the general guideline is friendship, plus physical attraction. Low level friendship plus physical attraction is where friends-with-benefits usually sit. Good friendship plus physical attraction is usually a girl/boyfriend. Best friend status with physical attraction is where you get to long term partner status.

    There are a lot of nuances to all of it, so that’s a brutal oversimplification, but it’s a place to start building a framework for understanding.

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    • throwawaysalami@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

      but it’s a place to start building a framework for understanding.

      It sure is! Thank you, this is honestly very helpful and intuitive! They way I got confused by the last comment was because I was like: “But I’m already talking friendly with them, that’s like the one thing I’m good at.”

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      • Sunsofold@lemmings.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

        Happy to help.

        There are a lot of things in human society you are expected to ‘just know,’ which is silly. Human social dynamics is so complex psychology, sociology, and their various related fields are possible doctorate fields, but when someone says 'How do I know the difference between, ‘love’ and ‘love love?’ people will just say, ‘You just know.’

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