goldteeth
@goldteeth@lemmy.dbzer0.com
- Comment on DOJ wraps up ad tech trial: Google is “three times” a monopolist 1 month ago:
Slowly but deliberately, Google’s deeply southern lawyer rises to his feet, stopping only a moment to adjust his crisp white suit and bolo tie.
“Now, your honor, I’m just a simple country lawyer, and I don’t know much about math-ematics or the like, but if my momma taught me anything, it’s that three is greater than one. In fact, your honor, I do believe that three times one is in fact itself the equal to the number three. And if, as the plaintiff claims, my client is ‘three times’ a monopolist - and that’s from the Greek now, ‘monos’, meaning, well, ‘one’, you honor - Why, my trusty slide rule here is tellin’ me that’s a little something we call a triopolist.”
The jury gasps.
“Now, is my client a triopolist? We-hell, guilty as charged, your honor, except… That’s not rightly the charge, is it? By their own admission, I might add, the plaintiff has levelled charges against my client they know to be false and have admitted as much here today, wasting not only my client’s time, but the time of this court! Now, you show me where in them fancy law books it says no company shall hold triopoly on the free market, and I’ll be right back here in my sundee best marchin’ on off to the hoosegow, but until then… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury! If the laws o’ God and man still say one plus one plus one equals three, you must acquit! The defense rests.”
Of course, by this point Google’s CEO has already handed the judge a check for sixty million dollars and flown away in an unmarked helicopter, but you’ve got to admire his commitment.
- Comment on Half-Life 2 is currently 100% for its 20th anniversary 2 months ago:
Both are still showing up full price for me, if that helps.
- Comment on Half-Life 2 is currently 100% for its 20th anniversary 2 months ago:
…Think it’s too late to get a refund?
- Comment on Monster 2 months ago:
Obligatory addendum that as a creation of Victor Frankenstein, calling the monster “a Frankenstein” is no more inaccurate than calling Guernica “a Picasso,” or a 1996 Camry “a Toyota.”
- Comment on I don't want to call Twitter X out of spite, but calling the travesty that is X Twitter is an insult to the people that made Twitter what it was. 3 months ago:
The following is a tremendously disproportionate analogy given that we’re talking about a microblogging website, but I really don’t think there’s any better term for it:
It’s really less like you’re calling Twitter by its deadname and more like you’re refusing to call it by its slave name. Twitter didn’t come up with this on its own, some guy just rolled up and said “I’m changing your name because yours isn’t cool enough.” Like, fukken Kunta Kinte.
Again, very unfortunate that that’s the only comparison that comes to mind but I’m really blanking on anything else. Jean Valjean, I guess. Maybe Darth Vader. Locutus of Borg.
- Comment on Elon Musk wants to implant millions of people with Neuralink brain chips 4 months ago:
Yeah skimming it very briefly, it looks like your instance doesn’t even show bot indicators, so, no way you could’ve known really. But there should be a button to turn it off somewhere in your user settings, probably down near the bottom.
- Comment on Elon Musk wants to implant millions of people with Neuralink brain chips 4 months ago:
I mean I can certainly understand where the confusion may have come from. Image
- Comment on Microsoft begins cracking down on people dodging Windows 11's system requirements 5 months ago:
Thank god, for a second there I thought they meant “cracking down on people dodging Windows 11 by intentionally disabling TPM,” like I’ve been doing. False alarm, carry on.
- Comment on Why are people downvoting the MediaBiasFactChecker not? 5 months ago:
“Oh, this new post already has a comment, let’s check it out! … Dang it!”
That’s pretty much my gripe. One time I saw a post with maybe six, seven comments, opened it up, and they were all either the bot, or replies to the bot.
And even if you block the bot the post still shows up as having comments. So you’ll open up a post boasting the aforementioned six or seven comments expecting to find a lively debate, or at least a wisecrack about global affairs, and leave with a bunch of tumbleweeds and the lingering knowledge that somewhere, two or more people are arguing with a machine about whether or not it thinks the newspaper is any good.
- Comment on How can i make myself poisonous to mosquitos? 5 months ago:
“Now now, Batman, you should know that when a little pest like you dances with the Bug Zapper… He’d better be ready for a shock!”
- Comment on Crooks Steal Phone, SMS Records for Nearly All AT&T Customers. 6 months ago:
“Security footage shows several ne’er-do-wells in domino masks fleeing the scene with a number of burlap sacks, clearly marked with bright green dollar signs, no doubt containing the compromised data. AT&T security suggests the culprits must have ‘jimmied open’ their servers with a crowbar, or perhaps a bundle of dynamite detonated via plunger from a safe distance. One suspect is currently in police custody after attempting to escape through a tunnel painted on the side of a brick wall. More on this story as it develops.”
- Comment on ‘My hoo haa is gonna be out’: US Olympians slam Nike for skimpy women’s track kit 9 months ago:
Whennn the suit hurts your eyes / and shows way too much thigh / that’s a moiré
- Comment on ‘IRL Fakes:’ Where People Pay for AI-Generated Porn of Normal People 9 months ago:
“Djinn”, specifically, being the correct word choice. We’re way past fun-loving blue cartoon Robin Williams granting wishes, doing impressions of Jack Nicholson and getting into madcap hijinks. We’re back into fuckin’… shapeshifting cobras woven of fire and dust by the archdevil Iblis, hiding in caves and slithering out into the desert at night to tempt mortal men to sin. That mythologically-accurate shit.
- Comment on Elon Musk's X claims it's now a 'video-first platform' as it tries to reverse an advertiser exodus that has cost it billions in value 1 year ago:
“Do it for the X” sounds less like a slogan for a hip new social media platform and more like the preamble to an algebra exam. Or a reminder to pay alimony.
Of course, I’d rather be doing either of those than using Twitter right now.
