goldteeth

@goldteeth@lemmy.dbzer0.com

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Heat Miser's kind of pale for a heat miser.⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Who Sun-Tans the Sun-Tanner?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨In the US, it's finally socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  I would argue that the one that exploded over DC last month had almost certainly ceased to be a plane by the time it hit the ground.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨DOJ wraps up ad tech trial: Google is “three times” a monopolist⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Slowly but deliberately, Google’s deeply southern lawyer rises to his feet, stopping only a moment to adjust his crisp white suit and bolo tie.

  “Now, your honor, I’m just a simple country lawyer, and I don’t know much about math-ematics or the like, but if my momma taught me anything, it’s that three is greater than one. In fact, your honor, I do believe that three times one is in fact itself the equal to the number three. And if, as the plaintiff claims, my client is ‘three times’ a monopolist - and that’s from the Greek now, ‘monos’, meaning, well, ‘one’, you honor - Why, my trusty slide rule here is tellin’ me that’s a little something we call a triopolist.”

  The jury gasps.

  “Now, is my client a triopolist? We-hell, guilty as charged, your honor, except… That’s not rightly the charge, is it? By their own admission, I might add, the plaintiff has levelled charges against my client they know to be false and have admitted as much here today, wasting not only my client’s time, but the time of this court! Now, you show me where in them fancy law books it says no company shall hold triopoly on the free market, and I’ll be right back here in my sundee best marchin’ on off to the hoosegow, but until then… Ladies and gentlemen of the jury! If the laws o’ God and man still say one plus one plus one equals three, you must acquit! The defense rests.”

  Of course, by this point Google’s CEO has already handed the judge a check for sixty million dollars and flown away in an unmarked helicopter, but you’ve got to admire his commitment.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Half-Life 2 is currently 100% for its 20th anniversary⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Both are still showing up full price for me, if that helps.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Half-Life 2 is currently 100% for its 20th anniversary⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  …Think it’s too late to get a refund?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Monster⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Obligatory addendum that as a creation of Victor Frankenstein, calling the monster “a Frankenstein” is no more inaccurate than calling Guernica “a Picasso,” or a 1996 Camry “a Toyota.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I don't want to call Twitter X out of spite, but calling the travesty that is X Twitter is an insult to the people that made Twitter what it was.⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  The following is a tremendously disproportionate analogy given that we’re talking about a microblogging website, but I really don’t think there’s any better term for it:

  It’s really less like you’re calling Twitter by its deadname and more like you’re refusing to call it by its slave name. Twitter didn’t come up with this on its own, some guy just rolled up and said “I’m changing your name because yours isn’t cool enough.” Like, fukken Kunta Kinte.

  Again, very unfortunate that that’s the only comparison that comes to mind but I’m really blanking on anything else. Jean Valjean, I guess. Maybe Darth Vader. Locutus of Borg.