I try to be kind, upbeat, etc in my interactions with other people, especially at work. I want to treat others well, work together peacefully, and leave the project happy. I’ve noticed that some people (particularly more curmudgeonly folks) seem to read that attitude as naïveté, and feel like they can walk all over me or treat me like I don’t know what I’m talking about. Why is that?
Why is kindness often viewed as a sign of naïveté?
Submitted 1 day ago by compostgoblin@lemmy.blahaj.zone to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
iii@mander.xyz 1 day ago
HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 1 day ago
Some people have bad experiences where they lost trust in people and therefore treat the lack of trust as experience. That if you aren’t as paranoid as they are, you don’t know as much as they do.
Also, some people are bad to work with or are mediocre at their jobs, especially at communication. This is how they cover for themselves. It isn’t their fault that they messed up, you didn’t tell them something that they should have realized they should have asked but it is easier just to blame you.
Angelusz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
There are many things at play in situations such as you describe. One of which is often a form of jealousy “I don’t feel happy, so you shouldn’t either”. People often don’t even realize they do this, sub conscious.
They probably don’t intend to be negative, just haven’t found a way to better be.
snek_boi@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Here’s three ideas that come up:
This reminds me of the Fool’s Choice: you either lie and keep friends or you tell the truth and lose friends.
Similarly, I suppose that people who see kindness as a sign of naiveness have not learned how hostage negotiators do their work. A good hostage negotiator will act kindly, but they’re anything but naive.
Finally, I suppose whoever is deciding to ‘walk over kind people’ has lots of fears and a fragile identity they need to protect.
Let me know if you’re interested in learning about where these ideas come from.
the_q@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
When you get walked over how do you react?
GrumpyDuckling@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Maeve@kbin.earth 1 day ago
Bullies (personality disordered) seek out the strong to "prove" themselves "strong", and perceived weak for laughs/external validation. They are afraid they have nothing of substance to offer (they don't), and rather than sit with themselves to find weaknesses and flaws (much too painful, either due to an over-indulgent -- or more often, a physically/verbally/sexually/financially abusive -- upbringing) and do the work to be better people (if they can correctly identify "better," because to them, abusive behavior seems safe and strong ["suckers and losers" = "bad, they deserve it"]).
You're going to have to be the one to protect you, I'm sorry to say. Most people don't want to risk being "trouble makers," lest they lose their jobs. You're going to have to start documenting everything, then either meet with your supervisor, but an anonymous email (not from the company device or account or connection) may be able to check that behavior. If it doesn't, you'll have to meet with your supervisor or HR. I'd strongly recommend trying to find something else, before that meeting, but have your notes photocopied to take to the meeting and try to use different language. Leave the original copy home, with a photocopy in a different place, in case one set of notes becomes lost or damaged.
LambeauLeap@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
I think that attitude is a symptom of burnout, either with work or life as a whole. They’ve probably been taken advantage of and let down a number of times and have developed a mindset that good work doesn’t get noticed, people don’t get what they deserve, so why bother?
Not saying it’s justified or healthy thinking. But when they see your attitude they might be saying internally “just wait til you’ve seen what I’ve seen”
a_wild_mimic_appears@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
i agree on that one very much. on my way into burnout my cynicism and sarcasm increased steadily (in a way i tried to get relief from my pressure in a socially acceptable way), and even tho colleagues found my sharp tongue funny, it was not a fun experience. I only stopped shortly before i broke down - i couldn’t keep the facade up anymore, if i had tried i would have my breaking moment right there.