What is the optimal length that a couple should date before moving in?

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨thursday_j@lemmy.perthchat.org⁩ to ⁨science@mander.xyz⁩

All I found with citations was that it's best to wait until marriage before cohabitation, but that boomer talk ain't gonna happen for zoomers.

Otherwise, 1 article said "wait as long as possible" but I need a month/year number lmao.

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graphito@beehaw.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
When your rent contract expires?

Unhelpful, sorry 😅

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ccx@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
So, despite this being very individual thing we can try to find some suggestions that are scientifically based.

For one, many experience a period of heightened infatuation upon starting a new relationship whose symptoms are not unlike substance addiction. This may lead to some poor decision making when it comes to long term commitments, as well as changed behavior and tolerance toward partner's behavior.

I don't have any hard numbers here, as with any hormonal response it is going to be rather individual matter. I encourage you to look up existing research for anything more specific, but my vague recall is of there being three distinct phases of 2 months, half a year and two years from the start of relationship respectively. I would generally recommend avoiding any significantly life altering decisions in the first couple of months at very least. For brief overview of the topic I'd suggest:

https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/177-brain-on-love

There are many more factors that are going to have much more significant impact than age of relationship per se, from economic situation to major life events. You will probably want to look at this discussion of the topic:

https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/209-to-cohabitate-or-not-to-cohabitate

One big take-away I remember from it is: don't settle for less private space than you would with a roommate. You may think you can take up less because of love but that's generally not true and is likely something that can actually grind your relationship down. And if it doesn't work out it's better to be able to resolve the matters amicably rather than constantly stepping on each others' toes.

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JakeBacon@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Hello, saw this post will sorting by all communities and new. I'm not an expert but thought I could at least provide advice on where to look for information.

Have you tried looking at articles that talk about marriage and applying them to your situation. As moving in with someone else is a major part of marriage it's likely that many of those points would also apply.

Also, I don't think it's a time thing, I think it's more along the lines of some questions that need to be answered for example:

Are you comfortable putting your financial well being in their hands?

Are you willing to regularly assist with any problems they may have? (stress, mental health, physical health, etc)

Do you share moral/political/religious beliefs?

Are you comfortable with their level of cleanliness?

It's been a while since I've taken a college level interpersonal communications course but I think I remember these questions coming up as things to consider in a romantic relationship.
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Monarque@wolfballs.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I moved in with my wife on like month 6 or 7 of our relationship. We've been together for over ten years now..!

So... Just saying... it's completely possible to move in early and have a great long-term relationship.

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Slatlun@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Whenever you want to. It might work. It might not. Do what fells right and learn when that was a mistake. Prescriptive timelines do more harm than good.

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sj_zero ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I started dating the woman who would become my wife just a few weeks before starting a new job in another city, and we clicked so quickly and easily that we decided to move together. It worked so perfectly that 12 years later we're going strong.

The answer to the question "What is the optimal length" seems to me "mu"; unask the question, because it is wrong. In my case we moved in almost immediately, but I've seen many cases where moving in together ended up destroying the relationship.

On the other hand, maybe then the answer should be "as quickly as possible" because by moving in you quickly can end things if you're not compatible rather than waste time on a doomed relationship.

On the other other hand, some people don't want to reach married with kids and a white picket fence. For those people, maybe the answer is to never move in together.