Met my first girlfriend on a forum that’s name in english would be masturbation.org, she contacted me. The second one I met on my country’s equivalance of Omegle. The current one I found on Instagram.
Turns out that if you put even a little effort into your first message and for the very least make sure the grammar is on point and save the dickpic for later, she may actually reply back. The bar isn’t very high if you want to stand out. Seeing the kind of messages she gets almost daily really shows how pathetically low effort they are. It’s clear as day that you’re just one of the 50 girls he messaged today.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
Or just… talk to people IRL? I met my wife at my apartment complex, and plenty more meet their SOs at a local social event or whatever. Go to meetups for stuff you’re interested in and talk to people. I trust that way more than dating apps that pair you with strangers given a short bio…
Yeah, talking to people sucks, I get it. I’m quite introverted and need to relax after putting myself out there. When I met my wife, we texted for 2-3 days before I had enough social energy to ask her out on a date, even though I was quite interested in her. She’s a little introverted as well, so we’re a good match.
Text is way easier for me, but in-person is way more effective. Most of my friends met their SOs in person at some kind of meetup, whether a DND night, tech meetup, or a dance (not a club, that’s way too loud). Online worked for my brother, but I just don’t see nearly as much success as with in-person meetups, at least among my friends.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
People especially women hate meeting people in public. It’s either “inappropriate,” or there’s music louder than a war playing. There is no in between.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
I’m talking about pretty “safe” settings, like:
In other words, places where people are “forced” to interact doing something that interests them, while around other people that could come to your aid if someone is being creepy. The goal shouldn’t be to find a SO (that attracts the wrong type), but to interact with people that share an interest. You should be looking to make friends, and if that blossoms into something more, I guess that’s cool too. Don’t go into it looking for an SO, go into it looking to engage about something you enjoy.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
I don’t have any of those, they all knocked each other up in their 20’s, their personalities died and now they’re all underpaid zombies with diaper bags and minivans who never text, and in car-centric America there is no mechanism for meeting more.
Illegal in the South for the same reasons that you can’t buy beer on Sunday morning.
My town hosts regular community events and distributes a list of upcoming ones every month as part of a newsletter included with our water bills. 100% of them are for ages 6-12 or 65+; About the only event I’m aware of that might allow normal no adjective adults to attend is the occasional First Friday event, which plays music you could hear from geostationary orbit. I mean seriously the music will rattle my windows about as hard as a freight train and the stage gets set up 4 blocks further away than the tracks. Should I call OSHA or something?
All of my interests are some combination of near total sausage fests, have no support/community in my area, or any support for them died during the pandemic.
Buy shit! Buy shit buy shit buy shit!
alyth@lemmy.world 5 months ago
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 5 months ago
Eh, that could be true. I’m just relating my experience and trying to be helpful.
I’m quite introverted, so spending time in social situations can be very draining. This doesn’t apply as much to digital communication, but I do find myself delaying responding if it could turn into a social situation (e.g. someone asks if I’m busy, I’ll often just not respond until it’s too late, “oh no, sorry I missed this, maybe next time…”). I’m not socially awkward or anything, I just prefer to avoid socializing with people (COVID was actually fantastic for me since I didn’t need excuses).
I’m imagining that a lot of single people who don’t want to be single fall into that category as well. So that’s where I’m coming from.
When we first met, I was super into her, and it was obvious that she was into me because she asked for my number, she texted first, etc (I walked up to her though). I really liked her, but I wasn’t up to actually spending time with her, so I made excuses until I was ready to give her my full attention. But that couldn’t have happened if I had stayed home. In fact, she moved out of town a month or two later, so we dated long distance for a year until we were able to be together.
So my advice is to put yourself into social situations that are relatively comfortable for you. Don’t make the primary goal to find romance, make the goal to find someone that enjoys what you do (even if they’re not a possible romantic partner).
alyth@lemmy.world 5 months ago
That’s fair advice. Thanks for your good intentions. I’m very sorry about the snark. That was uncalled for.