I’m so sorry.

One of my childhood dogs started having seizures until one night she started seizing and just never stopped. We laid her in the laundry basket with towels and I gently held her down so she didn’t thrash too hard to further hurt herself.

My dad called the vet to see if they could have her put down ASAP. They said they couldn’t, but it was well after hours though. I probably sat there for 3-4 hours or so myself until finally my dad just told me to go to bed and he’d take her in the morning. I even offered to put her down myself because, I mean fuck. I couldn’t just sit there and watch her struggle let alone imagine how she felt. We tried to do whatever we could to help ease her pain/passing including crushing up a muscle relaxer with water and syringing it into her mouth. I would have tried anything.

I don’t know when I feel asleep but it was hard not to hear an occasional sound even through probably 2-3 closed doors and down a flight of stairs.