As a teen, I would consciously turn hurt into hate to avoid it. I was emotionally aware enough to know that I was running from it, but not emotionally aware enough to confront it. Therapy works, folks.
Comment on What is a good, healthy, unhurtful, socially positive way to express anger?
Archelon@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Once a therapist told me that a lot of the time anger is a secondary emotion; that is, it’s an emotion that comes out of another emotion.
So you don’t necessarily get angry out of nothing, but you get angry because you’re scared, or disappointed, or you feel wronged, or something else.
So their recommendation was to identify the emotion that’s making you angry, and express/rationalize that instead.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 4 months ago
kby@feddit.de 4 months ago
Excuse me but sometimes, I just want to be angry and not “rationalize the causes of my anger”. I think it’s fully okay to be pissed about something and wanting vocalize your anger without immediately extinguishing it by “rationalizing” the thing that made you angry.
asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 4 months ago
So if someone you love tells you if you want to have good job prospects you shouldn’t get a face tattoo, it’s okay to get angry at them right away because they hurt your feelings?
I think the point here is people get angry at stuff all the time that they shouldn’t be angry at. Helpful advice, someone pulling in front of them in traffic, online comments disagreeing with them, etc. it’s good to make sure you understand why you’re angry, or else you’re just blind.
A lot of people might be angry about the face tattoo comment, and leave it at “the other person is being mean / closed minded”, then proceed to go and get one, then continue to be angry the rest of their lives when they can’t get a job.
Reflecting on things in general, especially emotion, means you grow. It’s self education.
Dr_Satan@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Agreed. Past trauma leads to present anger. Consider nazi germany and what led to it for a fine example.
I don’t put much hope rational analysis.
Maybe solitude and meditation. Maybe a month in the forest with a bag of shrooms.
Tier1BuildABear@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Usually it’s my own stupidity, clumsiness, dumb decisions, or ignorance, and knowing that just makes me more angry :/
Archelon@lemmy.world 4 months ago
And it’s good to recognize that! It means now you know to work on self-compassion (which is really hard but really worth doing)
snooggums@kbin.social 4 months ago
I get angry because of frustration about things beyond my control that impact me negatively and can't simply be ignored. Knowing that extra step is great and all, but doesn't reduce the frustration or the anger. I'm sure that identifying the difference is helpful to some people who can ignore or address the actual cause of their anger.
Note: I don't get angry about frustrating things that I can do something about, or can be ignored.
Pepsi@kbin.social 4 months ago
Why would you let things you can’t control have any control over your emotional state?
Seems more productive to get angry about the things you can change.