Dude, I bought a pair of Bose headphones yesterday. I get the home and the first thing they try to get me to do is download their app. Of course, sketchy (to me, anyway). So I dive into the “cookies/tracking data” section, which links me to the “privacy policy” which links me AGAIN to “information we collect and how”—all different documents with their own tables of contents. Legally binding documents.

They get people to sign away their rights to ANY privacy. They can “map your head movements” and what seemed to be…the shape of your head(?), they can PASSIVELY LISTEN TO ANY SOUND “around you,” they can intercept any any all information that passes through the headphones/microphone, record all biometrics…

Needless to say, I didn’t download the app. But these were the best headphones I’d ever put in my ears, right out of the box. So I went onto the SMS chat (while they were the best, the pair I had were defective)…and the first message I get is…A GODDAMN LINK TO A DIFFERENT PRIVACY POLICY. “Simplified” so it seemed like I was just giving them permission to record the SMS conversation “for training purposes,” but THANK FUCKIN GOD I dug deeper, BACK INTO THE MAZE OF SUBCLAUSES AND OBSCURED LINKS AND SEPARATE DOCUMENTS to find that they were trying to get me to sign THE ORIGINAL GODDAMN PRIVACY POLICY. And all I had to do was REPLY IN THE CHAT. That would’ve been apparently my consent.

So I called, because I wanted to use these headphones. They were so perfect. I asked to speak to the legal dept, if I can use the headphones without SOMEHOW, their privacy policy surreptitiously taking effect/being tacitly agreed to.

Well, you can’t reach the legal dept. so fuck it. Fuck BOSE, fuck these great headphones. I’ll suffer inferior headphones if I can’t be promised that I don’t sign away my organs and/or all possible information.

For good measure

#FUCK YOU BOSE.