Any IT department worth their salt will have solved this problem years ago. It’s hard to explain if you’ve never managed Windows in an enterprise setting but there’s a reason that profit-hungry corporations all use Windows. Here’s the full process for getting any Windows laptop to work perfectly:

• unbox the laptop and turn it on
• insert the USB key with the provisioning package
• wait about two seconds for Windows to tell you to remove the USB key.
• go to lunch

If they have a channel supplier that offers ‘white glove’ service they don’t even need to do that and they can even have brand new laptops drop-shipped to a user at home without ever needing to touch it. And if that laptop fucks up down the line it can just be wiped and as soon as Windows connects to the Internet it can automatically re-enrol itself into the organisation’s management system.