Divorcing doesn’t mean leaving them. It can be possible to separate amicably. You’re likely to be a better father to your children if you take care of yourself, too
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Nomad@infosec.pub 2 hours ago
I have a partner like this. Only I didn’t know for 10 years. Only noticed she would do her duty. I can assure you this is not enough. She is the avoidant type and can’t help it. Now we have three kids and I can’t leave them. Sex is out of the question now obviously and life together is hard.
protist@mander.xyz 2 hours ago
x00z@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Divorce is a big word.
Where’s the open marriage advice?
protist@mander.xyz 1 hour ago
Dude sounds pretty miserable, I don’t know if opening the marriage is going to solve that
x00z@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
It could fix a marriage, and it’s something they can try before divorce.
If she does not want it, that’s a totally different story.
XeroxCool@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
It’s obviously hard to know how my childhood would have been had my parents divorced, but my main “benefit” from them staying together is that I saw who I didn’t want to be. That’s not much. It soured my views on marriage, which only got worse when my long-term partner’s parents started pushing for it. Both my now-in-laws were remarried, telling me how important marriage was, while also having a relationship with each other as contentious as my own parents. (Eventually, I had 8 friends get married in one year and the whole thing clicked for me with much, much healthier examples)
Would life have been worse with split parents? Who knows. No way of telling. Lose some negativity, potentially add a ton of instability.
I can’t recommend one way or the other. I only ask you consider your own mental health and attitude and how it affects your family’s home life. But the one thing I can say pretty confidently (and of course don’t know if you do this): as frustrating as shit gets, do not trash talk your spouse to your kids. And if you’re really trying to explain to them why your spouse is hurting you, you better be as innocent as you portray yourself. I took my dad’s words to heart and despised my mom through my teen years, only to come around in my 20s and realized it was my dad who was the mean one. The stories didn’t add up. I mean, he literally complained to me once (after I saw the truth) that my mom withheld sex for 2 years for some bullshit set of reasons that included everything except himself. It was pretty clear at that point she had no interest in the miserable old man he became, along with him watching political “news” all day, complaining about dinner not being done, not cleaning, etc.
Kids see everything. They aren’t naive forever.
mech@feddit.org 1 hour ago
My parents moved into separate bedrooms when I was 6. My mom moved out when I was 10.
It was an incredible relief for us children. Not because we hated her or anything.
But the fighting stopped. Both of them stopped drinking daily. The constant, tense atmosphere at home was gone.
We continued living with our dad, but spent most of the day at our mom’s place 3x a week.
Weekends were usually spent with both parents. Because since they weren’t forced to live together anymore, they actually got along very well in a friendly way.
Later we celebrated big holidays together with my parents AND their respective new partners, and my mom was present at my dad’s second wedding, as was her new partner.
It probably doesn’t work out like that very often. But your children feel when a marriage is only sustained “for their sake”, even if they aren’t conscious of it and can’t put it into words. So separation can also be better for them.