Comment on Has this ever happened to you?

SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

• BaldManGoomba@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Yes. As a dude I recognize that a woman going on a date with a random person is and feels dangerous to most women. I am more than happy to go on a group date or hang out with friends she feels comfortable with for first bit of getting to know a person for like a month to first couple dates. Then once we are looking to know each other closer we can have more private dates. That being said I shouldn’t be expected to pay for anyone’s experience but my own in these dates or hangouts. Maybe my dates but even still definitely not the friends.

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  • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I recognize that a minority of men are assholes.

    There’s no mature reason for a friend to come on the date in a public place.

    The reasons stated are that men are violent animals and need to be vetted and I need physical protection from them even in public.

    It’s a set of ideals rooted in misandry, and it doesn’t help women or men.

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• Alaknar@sopuli.xyz ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Sounds like setting yourself up to create conflict in a relationship that doesn’t even exist yet.

  WTF are you on about, mate?

  There’s no other way to read this besides “I think you are a horrible person so I need protection on our public date, why am I going on a date with a horrible person? I wanted dinner”

  There absolutely is another way to read it and it’s: “there are lots of horrible people and I wanted to make sure you’re not one of them”.

  I guess you reacting to this post in that way puts you bang in the middle of one of those two categories…

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  • theneverfox@pawb.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I don’t know about you, but when someone even implies I might be a terrible person I get extremely offended

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    • Alaknar@sopuli.xyz ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yeah, I don’t, because I have enough empathy and intelligence to realise that people who don’t know me… well, don’t know me - and there absolutely are dangerous people out there.

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      • theneverfox@pawb.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Sure, the danger is real and that people need to protect themselves

        It’s also incredibly offensive to do it directly.

        The polite thing to do is make being safe a matter of course. It’s very normal to meet in public, it’s normal to do checkup texts, it’s fine to do a group activity if it’s a group activity. We’ve spent decades normalizing subtle ways to do this

        There’s a degree of social hygiene necessary, or society falls apart.

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  • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    What are you on about?

    I just don’t think it’s healthy to assume every man is a psycho and then make them prove it, especially if you want to try dating them.

    Luckily, I’m a married lesbian so i don’t have to deal with this stupid shit.

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    • Alaknar@sopuli.xyz ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I just don’t think it’s healthy to assume every man is a psycho and then make them prove otherwise, especially if you want to try dating them

      It’s a bit difficult to determine just from online interactions, don’t you think?

      “Dating” doesn’t mean what it used to mean. These days “dating” means “I swiped right, we talked for an hour or two and now we’re meeting for the first time”.

      As long as the other person is upfront about it, I wouldn’t be weirded out if they brought a friend to feel better, honestly, no fucking clue who would have an issue with that. Because it’s not about “all men”, it’s about “I’m meeting a stranger”.

      If you’re the person who sees that situation as an attack, you’re better off leaving the other party alone.

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      • SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Nah it’s better if people who want to date act like adults.

        There are some men who don’t mind being profiled, but being treated like a predator by default in a safe setting is insulting.

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      • HarneyToker@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        I mean, that’s sure one way. I have never used a dating app, been on plenty of dates, and am in my 20’s.

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