In Grade 6 we has a new girl in my school who I got on with really well. The cooler guys among us apparently thought she was dope too, and when I started dating her suddenly, one of them was like, “Congrats, bro. I didn’t know ya had it in you!” I was on top of world.

Then one day shortly after, she showed up to school with this super tight, greasy, old lady perm. The can’t that’s like flat to your head. The thing looked bonkers. I spent the next couple of days trying to distance myself from her and that haircut, and found some petty reason to break up with her. She thought I was a total asshole (rightfully), but moved on. Years later I saw her again and that old lady cut was gone.

Flash forward to my mid-twenties, I’m dating this other girl and she goes and gets a new haircut. Blonde dye job and everything. I can only describe the results as a genuine Dutch Boy. But I had learned my lesson and I stuck it out. I wasn’t going to make that same mistake over a haircut. A short while later she fuckes some greasy dude from Raleigh, North Carolina, and that was the end of that.