Comment on Is it safe to assume the guy i went out on a date with, just wants to sleep with me?

• protist@mander.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  if your reason for going out with him is to be friends, communicate that

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  • arumi@endlesstalk.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    He never asked for a reason. Bringing it up myself out of nowhere would make him think I am narcissistic who assumed he’s in love with me. Or maybe I am just overthinking

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    • Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Lemmy is overwhelmingly populated by men, and sometimes it really shows. They’re not wrong in saying you have to communicate, but I don’t think most of the people here fully understand what it’s like being on the other side.

      I’m a woman around the same age as the guy in your story. I can see a bit of what it’s like from his point of view, but I also know what it’s like to be a young, anxious, sexually-inexperienced woman trying to navigate men’s intentions. Sometimes every step seems wrong, and overthinking tends to cloud sound judgement. It’s a shame that some people are jumping on you for trying to figure things out here, rather than dumping a purse full of anxiety onto the guy in question. I’ve been there, and I’ve been ghosted after attempting such serious conversations.

      Yes, if he runs, you’ll be better off without him. But knowing that doesn’t make it easier to deal with the relevant anxiety. There’s already a lot of good advice on this thread that’s worth combing through and considering. But when it comes down to it, transparency in communication is absolutely the key. If you’re not sure what to say, or don’t feel ready for the conversation, I’d advise writing things down (privately, like on a paper you can throw out afterwards, or in an email without an address.) I don’t know you, but I know that for me, writing things out has a way of providing clarity to my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps doing so could help you find the words you mean to say, so that you’re not left floundering for the best way to explain yourself in the moment.

      Feel free to message me if you feel you need someone to bounce thoughts off of. I’ve been around the track a few times and learned a lot that I wish I had known at your age.

      Aside from that, I wish you luck, dear sister. Dating can be tricky, but you’re not alone.

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