First, you don’t owe anyone anything.

But consider that you are in a position of relative privilege. Most trans individuals don’t have the resources or support you had during your transition. Most don’t even have access to the medical care you received. The people seeking that same care you received as a child are being demonized and targeted by bigots, fascists, and Nazis.

We all live in our society together, and “activism” is usually just someone standing forward and saying “this is wrong.” Do you advocate for trans rights at all? Or are you worried that speaking out will clue the bigots in on your situation, and you will be targeted for harassment or worse? That’s a legitimate concern, and being outed would undeniably affect the course of your life. I’m not saying any of this to criticize your decisions. But you should recognize that the bigots are winning, and your fear is critical to their strategy.

You have a family to consider. I know I put my family above any other priorities, and you can ignore anyone trying to convince you do do different.

But what if your kids were trans? What if they grow up in a world where it’s encouraged that they hate trans people? What if they need the same care you received? Would you counsel them to hide? Would you encourage them to be proud of their whole, authentic self? Who would be their role model for living life on their terms, undeterred by small-minded dipshits or violent tyrants?

I’m not trans, so I have no frame of reference for what you’re dealing with. But as a parent, I always try to make moral decisions based not only on how it will affect my kids, but also on being the person I would want them to be.

Be safe. Trust in compassion. Have faith that the bad people are vastly outnumbered.