I always ask, but some people feel greedy or selfish if they tell you what they want. Plus, it’s nice to have someone else think about you and your needs and desires, and then put some effort into providing that for you.

Like if I said, “I want fancy jewelry,” that would feel petty and bratty. If my friend gave me a gift and said “I found this, and I thought it would fit your style and look great on you,” that is going to make me feel good about receiving it and about our relationship.

It’s always OK to ask, but it’s not OK to insist they tell you. Demanding an answer is like saying, “I don’t care enough about you to learn and remember your preferences.”

That said, there are things I won’t buy my wife because her preferences are too mysterious. I’ll pick two seemingly identical handbags, same dimensions, material, color combinations, etc, and she will determine that one is gorgeous and the other is shit. It’s a running joke with us that I’m hopelessly obtuse when it comes to style, and she’s far too capricious in matters of taste to predict what she will like. She loves handbags, and I support her getting whatever purses and bags she likes when she sees them.

Likewise, she doesn’t buy me techie stuff or tools.