“Dear fans,

“We’ve seen the feedback online that everyone is unhappy that our new generation of hardware and software is too expensive. Nintendo listens to customer feedback, and we appreciate your enthusiasm for Nintendo products!

“In response to the community, we’ve updated our license agreement so that if you even think about not paying us, we’ll kick you off ALL our stuff and cancel every other Nintendo thing you have! We’ll even send a brute squad to your house and smash your legacy NES we can’t brick remotely in front of your kids! Nobody messes with Nintendo!

“Now, get out there, and buy, buy, buy!

“Sincerely, your friendly, caring friends at Nintendo.”