Comment on What's the point in getting married?
null_dot@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days agoMy defacto partner and I have been together for 12 years. We’ve been trying to have kids for 6 years or so and got lucky with twins 2 years ago.
Being married wouldn’t strengthen our bond or commitment in any way.
It’s a shame my partner doesn’t have the same surname as our kids. I’ve been meaning to ask her how she feels about it.
Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
I wasn’t married when I had my children, chose to hyphenate. I’m unsure how I feel for your wife if this topic didn’t come up two years ago, goodness
null_dot@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
I’m not quite sure what you mean to imply.
The topic of marriage did come up 6 years ago when we decided to have kids. At that time we decided it didn’t have much meaning for us.
We didn’t really think about her family name at that time.
When the kids were born she was emphatic that they should have my family name. She actually has a family name from a previous marriage, which wouldn’t be appropriate for our kids, and she’s estranged from her actual family so didn’t want her maiden name.
Since the kids have been born this has been in the back of my mind and I’ve been meaning to address it, I assume it’s on her mind too.
Honestly, just attending to all the things that need to be done in the last 2 years has been very challenging. This just hasn’t been a priority.
Also for context, de facto relationships have legal standing in Australia. So the law treats us as though we were married. Our situation is not uncommon.
I mentioned it to my sisters who suggested she could just use my family name as an alias, or just change her name to our family name, or we could elope. If she wanted to hyphenate that would be up to her of course but knowing her as I do I doubt she will want to.
Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Hey i wasn’t trying to be hard on you, sorry it came off that way. I’m not married either, and been with my, what we call, common law “husband” for many many years now. The last name thing is complicated for me too, you dont gotta explain to defend your choices, I don’t care what other folks do in their lives, not hurting anyone.
I just laughed and am knocking on you saying youve been meaning to ask her how she feels about the situation, and you’ve “been meaning to ask” for two years since you had the kids, goofball