Comment on would getting back with an ex be a bad idea?

• drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  thanks ❤️ ig cuz it’s so recent and i still harbor some old feelings, i feel like he can change

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  • spankmonkey@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Never expect people to change for the better. It isn’t impossible, but it is unlikely without some kind of major event in their lives that they learn from.

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    • adespoton@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Very much this. I’ve been happily married for 25 years and expect to be for at least 25 more, and the things that annoyed us about each other when we were dating still annoy us today. But we accept that those things are unlikely to change, and celebrate the stuff that’s great.

      On top of that, guys don’t tend to mature until they’re 21-25, but don’t start dating one who’s younger expecting him to change for the better; it’s more likely the common things you enjoy will change but the odd habits will remain forever.

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    • AuroraBi@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      I agree. This is him:

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  • Shirasho@lemmings.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    People can change, but don’t put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. I can’t say for sure what kind of person this is since I’ve never met the guy, but I can tell you that you will be waiting a long time if he is behaving how you described. Communication is incredibly important as a foundation for a relationship, and ghosting indicates they won’t be able to discuss things with you when things get really bad. This is a skill that is learned young and it is harder to learn it with age.

    Let that flame die out and only let it be reignited if the person makes real effort to really talk to you.

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  • Contramuffin@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Change isn’t necessarily impossible, but it’s really difficult and requires a huge amount of self discipline - if someone changes, they will be a standout exception rather then the norm. I urge you to consider that someone who ghosts you likely does not value you enough to be willing or able to put in the effort to change. Ghosting is deeply rude to do to anyone, and especially toward your significant other.

    Take my interpretation with a mountain of salt, because I don’t know the full story. But, from what you said, it seems more likely that he reached out to you because you were a convenient backup

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  • socialjusticewizard@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    That’s a normal way to feel. It’s okay to still care about him, but it sounds to me like there are a lot of reasons to move on. It’s also probably the best way to help him grow up himself

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