Comment on HELP! How do I help educate my son about his body when I know nothing about boys??
Tarquinn2049@lemmy.world 1 week agoYeah, it’s definitely not an “every male” thing. But other than that, it does contain good advice if it does end up being relevant. And if non-conservative males are tough to find in her area, odds are higher that her son could be encountering those types of influences outside the home.
I was a “relatively” weak guy growing up, videogames with no exercise or weights, I did do some physical chores and participated in most of my gym classes, lol, but I was for sure still way stronger than my mom, and she had a manual labour job. It is unfortunately very likely to be the case even if you grow up a nerd as a guy. And, in the potential case of him growing up athletic with a non-athletic mom, it can indeed be a huge difference. Not quite a shrek and fiona thing… but not as far off as we’d hope.
It can be a reasonable fear as a single mom to a teen guy growing up in a conservative area. And while it isn’t a description of every guy, if the description is sounding like it fits, then those are valid concerns and things that should be addressed and headed off before they can’t be.
My brother wasn’t very athletic either, but a little more than I was. And he wasn’t very rebellious, but a little more than I was. Only once did he ever hurt our mom physically, and it was when he was 13 and treated her the same way he would treat his friends in a heated argument, just gave her a shove… they both learned very quickly that a different approach was needed. That was with a kid who felt bad that he hurt his mom… we had friends(temporarily) that didn’t feel bad about that… those friends stopped being friends pretty quick and are mostly in jail or dead now.
We live in a small town, not super religious or conservative, but I would guess about half and half. And it was about 10% of boys that this advice applied to. In a place where conservatism or religion are further entrenched, that percentage doesn’t just go up linearly. The less sources of proper behaviour you see to counter the argument that people should behave “naturally”… even the nerds eventually succumb.
Be glad you had a childhood where this advice comes across as ridiculous.
artificialfish@programming.dev 1 week ago
“If the description is sounding like it fits”
Where in OP did it sound like it fits?
I get the impression the guy I’m replying to is working with troubled youth. Even then, most men and boys are taught to defend their moms as a point of pride, not the opposite.
Tarquinn2049@lemmy.world 1 week ago
I’m not saying it “does” fit. I’m writing that to her. As she gave no indication or contraindication to whether it applies. Other than asking what our experiences were and what relevant advice would have fit our experiences… these are experiences that were had, and the advice that would go with them.
artificialfish@programming.dev 1 week ago
I’ve just followed this revolving door of male self improvement advice for a long time now. It actually started for me at church, those guys hate a young man without a “role model”. Then people started blaming the lack of role models and we got Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate, when honestly the biggest problem facing men in society was capitalism and overwork not male lack of self improvement. Then people were like, no not THOSE role models, and now people are blaming young men for Trump voting etc, when again it’s role models themselves that are making these kids fail to see their issues in relation to labor.
What if, instead of teaching men to be followers we taught them to be leaders and free thinkers. Women too. I never once woke up as a kid and was like, man I wish I had someone to look up to. I had people to learn from but I was imminently aware of other people’s flaws and the fallacy of emulating success.
Tarquinn2049@lemmy.world 1 week ago
If that is where you are coming from, I think it might be worth giving the first message in this thread a second read. You may have brought more to it than what was written. I agree that it’s not “100%” as they stated, but it is -a- percentage and shouldn’t just go unsaid. Other than the “guaranteed” wording, the message is pretty much the same as what you are saying.