Comment on How important is flirting within the dating scene?

• FatTony@lemm.ee ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  If you say “Hey, I really enjoyed that conversation, let’s meet for a coffee some day, how can I text you?”

  When given chance, this is basically the way I go about it. Just a quick on-the-side question: How quickly do you usually suggest something like that?

  And bordering on what I’d call flirting.

  What would you call flirting?

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  • xmunk@sh.itjust.works ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Just a note about flirting, communication, and fear of rejection.

    If you’re being subtle in a conversation to avoid coming on too strong and form a relationship… don’t be. Any relationship you form by cloaking your personality will weaken when you reveal your true self.

    The goal in dating shouldn’t be to form a relationship, it should be to form a good relationship. Jumping into a bad relationship that you just barely work in is going to waste your time and cause a lot more grief than anything else.

    If my advice is a bit surprising that’s fair - there’s a reason the divorce rate is so high among young couples and you really don’t want to go through that experience.

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    • Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Really good points.

      Own yourself, your goals, your intentions. People can sense/read when your behaviour doesn’t seem to align with what we think is concealed intentions.

      Nearly all people enjoy when someone has the sense of self to be forward.

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  • hendrik@palaver.p3x.de ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I don't know why everyone else here says "No." Maybe it's down to preference. I usually like people not just for their outer appearance, but for their intelligence, wits, humor, similar perspective on life... And it just takes time to talk about all of that. So I rather keep it down with being suggestive and just let things play out. Took me a long time. But everyone is different.

    I'm not sure if I have a good definition of flirting. I'm more a problem-oriented person. I do whatever gets the job done. If I want to meet someone again, I just tell them that. And I usually don't have any ulterior motives. And I'm currently not in the dating game, so I'm pretty much relaxed on parties and social events in that regard.

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    • FatTony@lemm.ee ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      And I usually don’t have any ulterior motives.

      Well I for one usually do have said ulterior motives (I want to see them romantically). Shouldn’t I then be a bit more (flirtatiously) direct with them?

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      • hendrik@palaver.p3x.de ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        Sure. I think being honest is a solid choice, generally speaking. There is some etiquette. If you're way too direct, you might be perceived as a creep. But you certainly have to do something, or it won't lead anywhere.

        Telling people you want to stay in contact, or you think they're attractive, or you like their outfit, or whatever people do for flirting seems to be alright. Whatever floats your boat. I think the one important thing is to read the room. See if they're comfortable. And if they enjoy talking to you, or if you've just cornered them and are monologuing. Most (not all) people can do that. And I'd say as long as everyone is comfortable, it's the right thing. I mean you have to send some signals for them to know what's up with you. So yeah, that kind of directness might be helpful. And after that, spending time together (and not just in a larger group) is a signal, too, in my opinion.

        I don't think there is any general, correct way of doing it. It just depends on the situation, on who you are, and especially what the other person likes.

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