What counts is how the other person perceives it.
Talking amicably is just being polite. Knowing how to say things “with a wink and a nudge” would be more flirting.
Flirting occurs when you demonstrate attraction to someone indirectly or obliquely. Such indirectness creates tension, because we both know what I’m saying, but since I haven’t actually said it, there’s ambiguity.
It can also be direct statements, but that doesn’t demonstrate that you understand the dance. And I really do mean dance. Dancing is all about connection, being able to stay connected to a dance partner when you’re moving apart, and sensing just when, and how firmly, to pull them back toward you. It’s like you have a rubber band between you. Feeling that tension in it when you’re far apart is exciting, releasing that tension by coming closer resolves it. Back and forth you go. Flirting is the same.
Flirting should be a fun thing for you. Don’t view it as something you “just” have to do - it’s how we assess each other, it’s part of the process (it is a process, not a check box). It also never ends, just changes within a relationship.
We do the same with non-romantic relationships, there it’s called small talk (or you could say we don’t move from small talk to flirting).
kat@orbi.camp 6 days ago
I feel like talking amicably just falls under being friendly by definition lol
FatTony@lemm.ee 6 days ago
But if I sign it off like this. That would be a pretty clear subliminal message, right?
kat@orbi.camp 6 days ago
Not really, I would take it at face value. Unless the person sent some really strong signals. And even then I would just do the conclusion that requires the least assumptions, which is just friend vibes.
But you can still be explicit afte the fact tho. I get is hard tho, since you have to be pretty vulnerable.
saltesc@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Eh, just say, “I’m trying to flirt with you. How’s it doing?”
And if she laughs, you’re in. If she does squirmy-squirm face, “Well, I had to try. Now let’s enjoy this awkward silence together.” And stare at the ground silently, but for no more than three seconds.
pennomi@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Yeah that’s a decent way to start. Giving compliments is a great way to flirt! Saying something like “That was a great conversation, you’re easy to talk to” might even be a bit more flirty without putting yourself that much further out.