What in the name of all that is holy, in the vast cosmos of incomprehensible decisions, could have possibly possessed you to smear the vile, unspeakable horror that is poopoo and peepee all over your once-pristine teeth? Have you, in an unprecedented act of lunacy, chosen to abandon every shred of reason and logic left in this universe? And to solve this grotesque catastrophe, of all the myriad possible solutions, you chose—nay, boldly dared—to consume the wretched pink soap, the very embodiment of cleansing torment? Truly, this is a masterstroke of madness!