mindbleach

Wasn’t there a defanged Tesseract fork? It sound like decent software, aside from the main dev being even more of a crank than people thought.

They make you think the wrong thing.

Renamon: “Hey twelve-year-olds! How’d you like some confusing new feelings?”

Getting into the weird shit because AOL filters only covered normal porn.

The Doylist answer is that Eva is a deconstruction of “super robot” tropes. Building-sized mecha having tokusatsu wrestling matches via remote control is a ten-year-old power fantasy. Like somehow only a child has the power, or only a child could be trusted. Taking that seriously gets you Oops, All Trauma.

Basically the “real robots” genre asks, how can we haggle down badass combat robots, to minimize the sci-fi bullshit required for them to be cool? That’s how you get Gundam and especially Battletech. It’s vertical tanks… with swords. War stories for teenage boys, who know ‘I’ll punch him harder’ is not a universal winning strategy, but still think ‘I’ll just move faster’ is. Meanwhile - Eva is Anno asking, what would the world look like if the absurd extreme cliches were just how things worked?

Basically it’s The Boys for Mazinger Z. Ninety percent taking the premise at its word, a few big changes other series honestly should’ve done before, and a sprinkling of edgelord details like the vibro-knife being boxcutters… and that’s how you get episode nineteen.

Which the Quakers did invent, in the form of solitary confinement.

Which nowadays is white torture.

Every effort to fix English just adds more exceptions. Meanwhile everything written beforehand, or elsewhere, still uses the old way, so you often need to learn both versions.

Anyone or anything that’s ever annoyed him goes on his double-secret shitlist. Dude is Elon Musk without a budget.

Well good news, he’s not sorry in the slightest. Whodathunkit.

Obligatory copypasta:

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic- thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them.

THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE.

They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (???). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up.

This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons.

“If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. on a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb.

See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck.

They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them.

“Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY.

And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.

The weird part is, navigating from any loaded tab is often instant, but opening a new tab gets treated like a DDoS attack.

You’d think assholes demanding ID everywhere would mean adults get treated like adults.

You’d really fucking think.

You’d think Perfect Dark had some immersive sim DNA, the way every effort to revitalize it is fucking cursed.

Nothing good is allowed to happen ever again.

Blue Jay’s video on this altered my vocabulary.

This man had the opportunity to do the funniest thing in history and he went for it.

Maintaining the other English tradition of using the law as more of a guideline.

Also continued to this day.

And carried on by her daughter America, over moving a box of pamphlets.

While she would be captured and burned at the stake by the English for the crime of wearing men’s clothing

Maintaining to-this-day the rich English tradition of caring more about gender norms than death and destruction.

“This better awaken something in me.”

So how freaky is Korean Catholicism? Because Ethiopia has Beta Israel and Orthodox Tewahedo, both directly spread from Judea via the Nile, and they kept some weird shit going.

They made it work!

The Spaniards, not so much.

and continues burning on water, which is terribly inconvenient

The Hound watching the sea on fire, Game Of Thrones "Blackwater"

Doors and corners.

… and old women distributing loose pottery.

Reminded of an escalating Kill James Bond bit in IIRC the Bourne movies, where a character’s assassination by headshot is eventually referred to as “getting sucked off by a twink.”

With an offshoot to Nova saying “he is receiving stately pleasure.”

Same as it ever was.

If I had a nickel for every would-be tyrant domed by an old lady on the second floor, I would have two nickels.

And I’d want more nickels.

That crocodile better not be washing its feet in that river.

Reruns, I guess? Trying to think of what aired in the weeks after 9/11, when a bunch of new stuff got delayed, and the studio techs were as fried as everyone else. Marathons of evergreen daytime programming. So then as now, probably Star Trek: The Next Generation.

America’s closest real comparison might be radio DJs putting on a long song so they can go take a shit. “November Rain?” Buddy, ease off the nachos.

Briefly represented in the music video for Wolf Parade’s “Yulia.”

Trouble is, cash you can e-mail became a wiggly line going up, so people bet on it and ruined everything.

Proper cryptocurrency would constantly lose value and be a hot potato people seek to get rid of. Readily available - valuable through exchange - aggressively encouraging that exchange.