I think Ykka's being a jerk.
Firstly, her assessment of Essun's actions on the day Rennanis attacked is inaccurate and unfair. Essun did think about Castrima when she was killing Rennanis soldiers and trapping stone eaters. If it had only been about destroying her enemies, Essun could have simply crushed the geode; it wasn't just about destroying her enemies, though—Essun was as precise with her magic as she could be in order to save her fellow orogenes.
Secondly, Ykka is dripping with privilege when she chastises Essun for thinking of short-term survival rather than long-term community goals. She wasn't imprisoned by her own parents then sold off (basically) to the Fulcrum for indoctrination and military training. Her community accepted her for what she was. Her community supported her.
I'd give Ykka a piece of my mind if I could 😤
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(comment on The Stone Sky)