Twas the night before Christmas

and all through the house

everyone felt shitty

even the mouse.

With mom at the whore house

and dad smokin grass

I settled down

for a nice piece of ass

when out on the lawn

arose such a clatter

I sprang from my piece

to see what was the matter

and out on the lawn

I seen some big dick

and I knew in a moment

it must be St.Nick

he flew down my chimney like a bat out of hell

and i knew in a moment

the fucker had fell

He filled all our stocking with pretzels and beer

and a big rubber dick

for my brother, the queer.

then he rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart

the son of a bitch blew my chimney apart

cussing and cursing as he rode out of sight.

pissing on all

having one hell of a night.

I made a few lyric changes from when I learned this one in grade school, circa 1994ish. The great ones will last the generations. Merry Christmas!