my husband and I both have ADHD. typically, we fight, I’m over it pretty quickly, he needs until he can sleep to get over it, but I think this is because we usually fight “My way.” I need us to talk it out and dissect what’s actually the root of the issue (usually past hurt, ongoing pattern, or misunderstanding at the onset of the fight). Once the issue is dissected and we commit to a resolution, or even just commit to acknowledging the issue and working on it, I feel loads better. If our flight is interrupted or he gets his way (ignoring the root cause, taking a short break from each other for a walk) then I’m simmering for ages and not that interested in being friendly again whereas he is back to normal.

Are you better at arguing? Do you typically “win” the argument? Or do arguments usually go along your ideas of how a fight should be structured? This may have something to do with it.

I second the above recommendation for the Nonviolent Communication book. It’s a short little read / work book and it can get you both using the same language, as well as kind of force you to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs.