I feel of felt something like you (and like someones that commented here). What made me search for help was this fantastic interview with a sociopath, with which I found big big (BIG) correlation: youtu.be/bdPMUX8_8Ms (I didn’ t remember it was that long, but is worth if you may).

Long story short: it was found that I’m not sociopath, autistic (all questions of mine, subject to exams), but I know I have a different perception of relations. I can go aroung and do like Dyshae (the interviewed person of the video), demonstrating what others expect for good even though I don’t feel it like everyone else.

Or I can be myself and, if my lifestyle is healthy for me and others, only live, no need to change how I do or trying to change my feelings. (In my specific case, it is not healthy to me, I have depression and I’m paralyzed by many things, but this would not then be of interest here and, certainly, not more Long Story Short.)

I hope it can be a light for you.