I think you’re missing the point.

When someone is outwardly hateful toward others for things outside of their control (race, gender, ability), that’s generally viewed as intolerance.

Tolerance, is me recognizing you have the right to believe whatever you want, and letting you do so, as long as you’re not obstructing anyone else’s right to do the same.

The paradox is basically saying a negative reaction to a hateful behavior, is not itself hateful. Identity politics doesn’t agree, and makes those who identify as hateful (knowingly or not), feel hated.

Violence is a further escalation of things that the concept of tolerance inherently tries to avoid.