Comment on Their Bionic Eyes Are Now Obsolete and Unsupported
webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 9 months agoWow what the actual rollercoaster.
As a fellow autist i am not sure if i would handle such a chain of events so well as you did.
I actually have some context for autism-schizophrenia.
Both medical disorders as well as adhd/add/ocd/dislexia/bipolar are all part of the neurodivergent family,
Therefor its common for overlap between these conditions and for different medical diagnoses to be more common in a single family tree.
None of that matters to how your family treated you because even if you did have dillusions or psychotic feelings they are still no reason for forced therapy. These conditions, are very misunderstood and the only person that can truly know if they need help is the neurodivergent person themselves except maybe if they cause proven major harm.
vexikron@lemmy.zip 9 months ago
I appreciate you saying that.
I have studied up a lot on neurodiversity and mental illnesses.
My family just gaslights me constantly. Anytime I display any emotion other than basically nodding and agreeing, I find out later they are describing it as a manic episode to their friends and the rest of the family.
A manic episode is … you know, an episode, as i a sustained period of time with very very heightened emotions.
I would get excited for a few minutes, describing a breakthrough in coding I made at work… or maybe angry for a few minutes while describing all the apathy I see in society toward the homeless, if not outright hate.
Then back to normal conversation.
But things like that, to them, are manic episodes.
I do not care for them any more.
My dad was a drunk, has always been extremely right wing, is generally unlikeable due to always arguing and never being able to consider that he might be wrong about something, believes in Q Anon insanity, and manufactures firearms in a way he took pride in explaining to me is ‘untraceable’.
My mother does have a neurological condition, and has the emotional maturity and intellectual capacity of an 8 year old.
My brother was a rave kiddie burn out who gave himself serotonin shock syndrome before he turned 21 via waaaay too much MDMA and Ecstasy. He believes shadow people are real, and was constantly trying to force me use hallucinogenic mushrooms while living with him. Oh, and he explained to me how its ‘funny’ to him to joke around with his actually schizophrenic girlfriend by just telling her that the past 30 minutes of events /did not actually happen/ and that she was having a delusion or hallucination. Then he says ‘ah just kidding, love ya babe!’
So yeah my family are just bad people, and I have no problem with them just assuming I am dead.
webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 9 months ago
Where i come from messing with schizophrenic people like that, saying things are a hallucination that are not, or acting like a hallucination is real is considered abuse/neglect. Its actually very dangerous and could significantly worsen her condition… she needs to get out but its quite possible she psychologically trapped with your brother. As sad as it may be saving her isn’t your responsibility to carry though, but if there friendly connections that could help, she may need someone more mature looking over her.
I asked my partner for an extra opinion on your “manic episode” it doesn’t seem all that out of the ordinary. Manic episodes tend to last hours. This just Appears to be a temporary state of mind.
What i think could more accurately explain it is that you where overloaded and exhausted by sensory experiences which can be physical experience like light and sound but also mental ones like remembering a long to do list, receiving new information. Its very common for autism.
Different from what society seems to assume many autists are very emotional beings but we often struggle to express those feelings or to connect them with neurotypical emotions. We tend to learn automatically to exercise the self control to contain or genuine pure feelings but when we are drained those emotions leak, which can actually be a really good positive moment of reflection and selfgrowth… granted if your with good people willing to listen in kindness.
I hope your in a better spot with better people where you are now. Being family i assume it may be hard to really get away from those people but i wish you strength in keeping their nose out of your mind.
vexikron@lemmy.zip 9 months ago
I would tell my other family members what you just said about my brother, and they would tell me I am delusional.
Yeah, she needs help. Is she gonna get it? Probably not.
She comes from the Mormon FLDS cult. She once described to me that when she was a teen, her then baby brother fell and had a rusty nail pierce into his skull.
Mom decided a bandage would be fine.
Fast forward 15 years, baby brother has a slew of mental disorders and recently suicided.
But you know what, after how many times I bent over backwards to help her and my bro, and they basically just gaslight me about everything, all the time?
I dont care. Theyre /perfect/ for each other: both are manipulative liars with differing flavors of addiction problems and insanity, so hooray for their toxic co dependant relationship.
And yes… I know that having normal human emotions, while talking about subjects that illicit normal human emotions, in normal humans, is in fact normal.
Sorry if I sound dismissive but… after years and years of handling all my family’s emotional problems for them and being rewarded with less than nothing…
I feel free.
Yes, what happened to me nearly killed me many times, and I am lucky to be alive at all.
But it all opened my eyes.
So much less stress. Yes, being homeless, without money for food was actually /less/ stressful than constantly trying to figure out how to please my ridiculous family members without angering them all the while I am never allowed to express any anger toward them whatsoever.
I… dont know exactly where I am going to go now. I am in a motel, halfway across the country, that at least I can afford to live in and eat for the whole month.
It was very difficult to get here. Torn ligaments, broken muscles, starvation, exposure, and so many fentanyl addicts to get the fuck away from.
I have a lot of talents and skills. I would like to make my own video game someday, with those talents and skills.
First I gotta get my ID replaced, and probably fix up my credit score (all my cards were stolen) before I can actually rent anywhere.
I figure I can actually get a Steam Deck and dual boot it as a workstation with the dock. Seems like the most computational bang for your buck, better than any laptop I can see for a similar price.
Its also portable in case I have to move again!
Have any games actually been /developed/ on a steam deck? That might be a first if I can pull that off haha.
webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 9 months ago
A steam deck is basically an arch linux laptop. I bet there are ways you could connect it to a bigger monitor and keyboard to simulate a proper pc though part of why it performs well might be the lower res for the smaller internal display.
There are some great free options to learn game design. Godot, blender. I am most certain its doable to build something but getting a livable wage as an indie game dev itself is a real challenge. Watch indie game the movie for reference on it. Chatgpt, even the free version can also quickly help you get up to speed to plan such kind of project.
Speaking as someone who has studied game development, i hope to make my own games aswell but purely as a hobby cause id be unrealistic to believe to get an income out of it. i could never accept a job in the industry where my talent is exploited for profit so even as a portfolio it wouldn’t do.