Comment on What kind of upbringing makes an incel?

• david@feddit.uk ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  OK, let me put it another way. I don’t think there’s a safe amount of incel writing to read and I think that the phrase “involuntary celibate” is loaded with resentment from the start.

  I think it’s OK for any of us to be unhappy that we’re not in a sexual relationship, but I strongly believe that categorising onesself as having celibacy imposed is, at the outset, inventing a fictional collective will and conspiracy on the part of a large and nebulous group of people, who are individually and collectively not even slightly responsible for any individual’s or group’s happiness or sex life. As a self-label, it inexorably leads to blaming others.

  It’s true that some teenaged girls can be powerfully cruel, dismissive, hurtful and nasty to boys who take an interest in them, and at those times, those girls are guilty of psychologically damaging the teenaged boys they have emotionally attacked, but they are still not in any way whatsoever responsible for anybody’s sex life nor in any way whatsoever for the lack thereof.

  It’s also an oxymoron. The word celibate is only correctly used for someone who has chosen to abstain from sex for some reason (usually religious). It’s logically impossible to involuntarily abstain, because abstinence is a choice but definition. For example, if you are ineligible to vote or someone prevents you somehow from boring, you aren’t abstaining. You are only abstaining if you can vote but choose not to.

  So, in summary, involuntary celibate is a phrase that deliberately twists meaning and twists morality, placing responsibility and blame on a group of people who are neither responsible or to blame.

  You’re deluding yourself if you think that you’re one of the non-racist MAGA fans, just as you’re deluding yourself if you think you’re an incel who isn’t incorrectly blaming other people for your lack of sex or that you aren’t on the road to toxic misogyny with that way of thinking.

  There are many things wrong with society, with gender relationships, and with dating expectations, but women and men’s absulote freedom to not have sex whenever, wherever and with whomever they feel isn’t one of them.

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  • SwallowsDick@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Bruh, compress your thoughts into a paragraph or two, or you’ve become the nerd emoji

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    • david@feddit.uk ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Sorry to have overestimated your attention span.

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      • kamenlady@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Your summary is at least as long as the main - lol

        I also had to learn to write things more compressed, because it was just hard to read.

        I handled it, by trying to always get straight to the point. What i still struggle with, is how blunt i come across…

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  • Seventhlevin@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    TL;DR.

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    • david@feddit.uk ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Fair enough, yeah, you don’t want to be reading anything more complicated than a sentence or two, otherwise the might be a risk of developing understanding or perspective. Best avoided.

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