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Comment on But I'm a Nice Guy(TM)!
FlihpFlorp@piefed.zip 1 day ago
I know I’m in the shitposting community but here’s story time for anyone who needs it (myself included probably and this may not be be super coherent as I’m still processing and getting over the breakup, or the incident as I like to call it, a year later )
This is also a loose connection of the thoughts so there’s probably a coherent idea in here somewhere
But when I entered college I was trying to make some friends as my highschool buddies moved outta state (we still communicate and game over discord) but there’s this one girl and the only reason we became friends is we shared the first year seminar and an English class.
Fast forward a bit and she asks me out and I take about a half a week to ponder (foreshadowing what I would call a snails pace in our relationship but frankly that an insult to the speed of snails)
And she’s definitely had her fair share of some traumatic relationships which with some other mental stuff she didn’t always want physical contact and sometimes she was… paranoid isn’t the right word, but I absolutely poured my heart into this relationship because after all these years I finally got a gf so I definitely had some rose tinted glasses on some her trauma responses such as calling my affection love dumping (she said it was a manipulation tactic used basically as “I’m sorry I’m sorry I love you so much” and she saw it as that)
Anyways there’s so much more but all in all I’m happy it happened but in retrospect and only in retrospect I’m glad it’s over
But I believe the right one is out there somewhere and it’s a matter of looking and finding someone who matches my weird
Garbagio@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
FlihpFlorp@piefed.zip 1 day ago
For sure
And I kinda walked away and came back to this several times but like I said, my take away is I’m happy it happened cus I learned stuff about myself (need those hugs and snuggles) but also what I want in a partner: someone who can help me (she didn’t do it that often tho), play games with and be a goober, someone who respects my needs but also communicates theirs, mostly that’s in the context of getting physical where after two years I didn’t get to second base (unless you consider me putting my head on her lap and falling sleep, best shit ever)
But am I sad I never got super physical beyond smooching and snuggles, yeah sorta, but at the same time I view sex and getting handsy as a physical way for you and your partner ti feel great, essentially share a moment together that’s good for all parties involved. But if she can break up with me a week before Valentine’s Day yeah she doesn’t meet the criteria then
But back to your point 100%, the future Mrs. FlipFlop is out there and it’s just a matter of searching and trial and error and error probably. But for me I’m almsot outta college and I’ll probably turn it into a more active search
Garbagio@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
[deleted]FlihpFlorp@piefed.zip 1 day ago
You’ve put into words what I’ve processing between self reflection and talking with some buddies so tysm. But yeah I did sort of ghost her (she knew this was a possibility when we spoke last as she wanted to be friends but I needed to go over some stuff in my head) as things just got too complex I figured it would be best
And yeah she was the one who asked me out (tbh did and still does wonders for my self confidence) but like I said after I’m done with my studies it’s gonna a much more active effort than hoping a friend makes the first move on me
IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
been in an abusive relationship, she kept projecting by labeling my acts as abusive. Like when she was gaslighting me and I tried to hold on to reality, she would accuse me of gaslighting until I accepted her version of reality. it was hell, and a literal miracle that I survived that. be careful with relationships. Especially as men, as however little resources and help is for abuse women, we get much less than that.